The Nature of Government and the People

     The civil rights of citizens of any nation, should never be dictated or curtailed by any religion. By any religion at all. While a religion is a personal path in life that is dictated by one's own personal choice (that is absolutely how it should be); the liberties allocated by a government for her people are not personal paths determined by personal choices! A government exists for all people in that nation, regardless of their personal paths in life! Therefore, personal beliefs cannot and should not ever dictate the social civil freedoms of any citizen of any nation. Period. It does not matter if I do not agree with what my neighbor is doing; nevertheless I must agree that they have the right to do what is in their own best interest to do (to marry someone of the same sex, or to get a divorce, or to remarry after a divorce, etc.) A personal sentiment should never attempt to dictate what citizens of various belief systems are allowed have and not have. Government should always be neutral on religion and spirituality and these things should not reflect upon the justices and the freedoms given to the people.
     I don't think there are many acts more selfish, than the act of a citizen of a nation demanding that his/her own personal religious and spiritual views be implemented by the government of a country, on all the citizens of that entire nation! You are basically just saying, "Because this is what I believe, this should be implemented by the government on everybody else in this country, regardless of their needs and their beliefs." Every country should have a government entirely separated from religious and spiritual views, to focus entirely on civil justice and civil freedoms, provided equally to every single person.

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Are You The Prettier Pig?

       The real, prevalent conundrum having to do with people who are trying to be "right", is the fact that much of the time, their perception of the right that needs to be done, is based upon the wrong that they perceive in others. The "right" or the "better" choice has become the polar opposite of the "wrong" or the "lesser" that other people are choosing. The existence of the "better" is entirely dependent upon the existence of the "lesser" as perceived through the eyes of judgmentalism. The fact that this is the case, eradicates the solidity of the uprightness that is being performed. If the existence of righteousness depends upon the existence of unrighteousness, this means that righteousness is weaker. This whole internal ecosystem people have, is forfeiting the nature of righteousness, entirely.

     We have all of these habitats within this particular ecosystem, which are all based off of the same system. Let's name some of the few and more common ones: "I am a truer person because I post less photos on social media, as compared to those friends I have over there who post too many selfies"; "I am a truer person because I don't eat meat, as opposed to most of my friends who talk about loving animals but they're hypocrites because they eat animals"; "I am a truer person because I post on social media about God every day, so much more than the majority of my friends who post worthless memes from morning to night"; "I am a truer person right now, because I have core moral values, unlike my friends who have obviously made lesser choices in life when they got divorced"; "We are truer people right now, because we have successfully covered up our dirty laundry, putting it all in the basement, unlike all of our friends who have their laundry hanging on the clothesline, how shameful of them"; "I am a truer person right now, because I am following the rules of God, unlike those people over there who are not following the rules of God."; "I am a truer person because my presidential candidate stands for all of the better qualities of humanity, unlike the people on my friends list who support a candidate who stands for everything wrong in this world." So on and so forth.

       When the foundation of righteousness is the existence of perceived unrighteousness, guess what's left when the towers fall down? The foundation is left. 

       The foundation of perceived righteous actions should have only one gauge: LOVE! "I am a true person because I love." When you say this, all the other declarations of righteousness simply vanish into thin air. The judgmentalism, all the comparison-- all gone! Whom do you love? What do you love? How do you love? How much kindness do you have to give? How much space do you make within yourself to make room for another to find a home within your being? How much space do you make within yourself to give room for people to find your light? How much space do you make within yourself to accept and to keep joy? Righteousness founded upon the energy and the actions of LOVE is really the only type of righteousness that can be called righteousness. On the contrary, righteousness founded upon the perceived wrongdoings of others, is simply the flip side of that same wrong coin! You are the other face of that same coin that you so detest! And so, we will have many people coming to God one day and saying, "How can you not know me? I did everything right, I did everything you said I should do!" but then God will say, "Depart from me, I have never known you." God will be like, "You're the prettier face on that same double-headed pig."

   

       Judgmentalism is not justice and justice is not judgmentalism. Justice requires blindfolded eyes while judgmentalism relies on what is perceived by the eyes. We may feel that justice sees all; on the contrary, justice feels all! Judgmentalism sees too much and forms these judgments based upon what it sees, what its friends see, what it thinks God sees, so on and so forth. Then of course, the judgments will always be in favour of its own perceptions, those perceptions being based upon external understanding gleaned by the eyes! 

       Leave people alone. When you go onto social media every day, when you encounter people every day, leave them alone! Let them enjoy things! Let them be happy, let them have joy! Make space within yourself for people to enter into and find light, love, acceptance, joy! Yes, you may have your own opinions of what you do want and what you don't want; ultimately, it is this which steers us into distinct directions. But do not allow those opinions to become the building blocks of your foundation upon which you raise up the structure of yourself. Don't be just the other face on the other side of the same coin. Don't be the prettier pig. Oink.

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Looking At Myself Through My Own Eyes

       So, basically, we live in this place where the native species (humans) are entirely obsessed with appearances. And by "appearances" I do not mean the physical body. I mean the appearance of being good; the appearance of being upright; the appearance of having a perfect family; a perfect childhood, a perfect marriage, a perfect background; the appearance of being deep and thoughtful; the appearance of being caring; essentially, every appearance of being that will make them look better than the person standing next to them. And they don't recognise this as vanity. They think taking too many selfies is vanity. I take too many selfies, because, I basically don't care who thinks I'm vain or not! I don't spend my days with this thought crossing my mind: "Oh if I take too many pictures of myself, people will think I'm shallow". And the reason why I don't spend my days thinking that, is because, that is exactly an incredibly shallow thing to think about! About appearing to be shallow!

Why would it even matter if everyone around me perceived me as shallow? When I know I am not? Do you see what I am saying here? We reside on a planet where the inhabitants of this planet exist by looking at themselves through their neighbors' eyes, instead of looking at themselves through their own eyes! Why should the opinion of my neighbor have more weight upon me, than my own opinion of myself? When I am the one who has to live with me, every waking hour and every sleeping moment? And so, in reality, the majority of this population is living through a reverse and chronically advanced version of vanity! One that roots itself in the human need of redemption, in the human need for elevation of soul. But the means they are reaching for to achieve this elevation, this redemption, will never work, never has worked, and does not right now work; alas, I go through my days practically as happy as a puppy, while others wither under the weight of worrying if they're using too much ungodly makeup or taking too many sinful, vain photos. Or if they proved in some way to be of more intrinsic value to this world than someone else standing next to them.
       I have said many times before, that it is my goal not for the world to revolve around me (which is based upon caring what the world thinks of me); rather, it is my goal to revolve around the world (which is based upon an active pursuit of life). Nobody can be in active pursuit of life, whilst living through the eyes and the opinions of others. There is nothing vain about the latter, while everything about the prior is the very definition of vanity. In your pursuit to eliminate vanity, you have instead epitomized it. Indeed, if someone were to say that I am a bad person, I would tell them, that there are even worse things about me that they have yet to discover! We do not become better people by trying to appear as better people; we become better people by finding more opportune ways to experience what it means to be alive. And darling, if a selfie helps you to see yourself better through your own eyes, then please take that selfie!

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The Interview You Just Don't Wanna Miss!

       I very recently did the third segment of my author interview with Dr. Angela Meyers Cotellessa and I just realised that I had forgotten to make a write up on the second segment (sorry about that). For those of you who are just tuning into all of this now, the best way to catch up with me is by visiting my intro to this entire interview. Then you can catch the second segment here. But if you only have time to read one part of this conversation, I can tell you that this third part is the one you want to read! The first and second parts were geared more towards the benefit of the spiritual, scientific, and governmental sectors, of society. This third part is geared more towards the benefit of every human being. It's relate-able and ordinary. Hear me talk about love, relationships, friendship, parenting, mental health, and more. There is plenty of content in this article that will hit very close to home, for many!
       I am so very thrilled to be able to give this to all of you, thanks to the skills of Dr. Angela who is a trained interviewer and really an exquisitely crafted individual. As I explained in my intro article, she really does know how to pick your brain for anything that she wants! You can't mess with a woman like that, you just can't!

      It would mean so much to me for you to delve into this piece, think about it, share it with everyone you know, and ask questions! Keep it moving, keep it growing; I really do believe that many people can, and will, genuinely benefit from the words herein. And please, do not hesitate to ask questions or to raise a point of discussion with me. Leave me a comment here, or message me on Facebook or IG. Let's keep this brook flowing! 

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What Have We Done To Relationships?

     What does your ideal relationship look like? What is its energy? What does it feel like? Your answer can tell me so much about you! About the substance of your mind and heart. My ideal relationship is Tris and Four from the Divergent series of novels/ movies. They didn't walk out their front doors saying to themselves, "today I want to have a girlfriend"; "today I want to have a boyfriend." Nothing like that at all. Their lives began to melt into each other, mold and flow into each other. Like clay, like water, like butter. They were partners in this life. They fought side-by-side, they were the same, they were both divergents, they both identified in the other, something they were amiss to find in others. They helped one another stay alive, they helped one another become better.

       The relationships of today are not relationships. Today, people say this: "I want to have a relationship and then I want us to make it work." Each person hands the other person a "program". A program similar to what we receive when we are seated in the theatre.  Onstage presentations are numbered and scheduled to be given at certain times. "I want to have a relationship and I want to make it work" is entirely a world apart from, "I want to meet a person who can join my life, who can understand my energy, who can help me rise (and vice versa)." Why is there any real reason to have a relationship with another person, in the first place, if not for the latter reasons?
     See, the first desire has a big gap in the middle of it, a gaping hole! It begs you to ask the questions: "Then what exactly is a relationship and why should it be present in my life right now, why should I have it, what does it mean?" Meanwhile, the second desire is the stuff that fills in that gaping hole in the first one: "I want another person who can intimately join my life, understand me, feel and flow with my energy, help me rise, and vice versa." It's the answer that fills the question, it's the stars that fill a blank night sky.
     People today are not desiring the latter; everyone is desiring the prior; the blank sky, the gaping hole. People are not understanding the nature of the stars that are supposed to stud that blank night sky, they are not grasping the stuff that is supposed to fill in the gap. People are embracing the gaping holes and groping around towards a blank night sky. "I want a relationship, and I want to make it work"; as opposed to, "I want someone who can intimately flow with me in my life, and vice versa."
       What is a relationship? It is the joining of two lives. How do you join another person's life? By understanding their energy, by understanding what they are feeling, by connecting to the fabrics of their being, by helping them form and become and by allowing them to do all of the same, for you too! If you don't know what a relationship is, if you think that it's an agreement that entitles you to hand the other person a program of expectations to follow, then you shouldn't even be looking for a relationship. Because you are living as an empty shell. It is not life. What is an empty shell? It is a thing which life has escaped. The living thing has left or deceased. It's just a shell. And that is what you are living as you maneuver yourself into the "relationships" that you desire (or the idea of a relationship that you so desire). And what is life? Life is walking out the door knowing that your energy would love to find another person's energy to hold and to mingle with and to understand! Life is wanting to understand another heartbeat and welcoming the owner of it to come in and to understand yours! Life is: "Here, right now, we are connected, we understand each other, I want to help you, I want to grow with you, I want to be your other half. I want to walk through this world with you."
     The actual reality of an intimate relationship, is as I have defined it here. What is going on everywhere, on a daily basis right now, is not reality! I mean, it is an unfortunate fact that it is the reality of the environment that we live in, and it is unfortunate, because, it is actually an unreality! We think that having a relationship means having the authority over another person's life: the authority to claim expectations, to make them act certain ways and follow rules, and vice versa. We are so used to being programmed, as a species, that we have turned the most intimate parts of our lives into programs of our own! We don't even know how to feel what's going on anymore, because all we know is how to run through the listless feelings of that program intended to make us reach certain life goals that we want to show to society (hashtag #relationship goals, hashtag #doingitright, hashtag #blessed).
     I want a relationship like Tris and Four. A divergent's relationship. "Divergent" is the exact perfect term to use here, as it would be a path diverging from the current norm and calling out to divergents, everywhere. Calling out to those with an understanding.
     We have forgotten about the old romances that defined what romance meant, and instead, we have replaced them with memes and hashtags. An ideal relationship is a picture of two celebrities cuddling, of two celebrities curled up together, saying nice things about each other... a checklist fulfilled by checking over each point on the meme: "If he's really into you, he'll always text you back... blah blah blah" so on and so forth. We have replaced the feeling of looking into someone else's eyes and understanding what that gaze means to us, with acting in a certain way and expecting someone else to act in a certain way. Nothing is actually heartfelt anymore. We have replaced love with duty. Love is dead, duty lives. The living thing inside the shell has deceased; we have idolized the shell alone.
     I want someone to join me in my life, to join their life with mine, to look into my eyes, and to see me.

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The Observation, Understanding, Mitigation and Elimination of the Toxic Relationship

     We come across the term "toxic relationship" all the time, but taking an up-and-close personal look at the pieces and parts of it, means something else. But that's exactly what I want to do right now.
     The toxicity of a relationship begins with small doses of injections, very similar to how an illegal-drug user begins to inject him or herself with, for example, LSD. Except it is done to the other person (the partner) and not to oneself. So imagine two drug users bound together by the bond of being the trusted person to inject LSD into the other.

     Injections of jealousy here and there; a bit of anxiety here and there; some plays of power once in a while. A substance like LSD would trigger chemicals in the brain to sustain for longer periods of time not normally attainable without the drug in the system. Chemicals that we want to have running around in our system. "But why would anyone become addicted to a relationship that is not causing sustainable good chemicals but is actually causing quite the opposite: an overload of negativity?" Surely this is the question we all have in mind, and that many have been asking for a while now.

     There are all kinds of psychological explanations, using terms like "enabler" and "co dependent". However, I have observed that two people in a toxic relationship can become addicted to what I like to call "the dark matter of dopamine". What dark matter is to light matter in the universe, so is toxicity of a negative relationship to the dopamine sustained by a healthy one. The dark matter of dopamine. The parallel universe to the land of rainbows and sunshine. The "upside down" of Stranger Things on Netflix. Two people in a relationship can actually become addicted to this.

     It starts with little doses; a nasty comment here or there, a word or so meant to tug at the heartstrings that stir up anxiety, jealousy, paranoia or feelings of lessened self esteem. "But why would anybody become addicted to this?" You'd ask yourself. These triggers leave a space in the mind and heart where longing and yearning can be born and fester: a yearning to prove that he's faithful; a yearning to hear from that same person, the words that will restore your damaged self esteem; a longing to become "the one" because there are many others who are vying for that spot in his life; a longing that says "maybe today I will be worthy though yesterday I was not." These longings and yearnings festering within the spaces triggered by the toxic injections-- these are the substances that people become addicted to! The dark matter of dopamine!
     But why? Well, for one, it's an easier replica of a genuinely healthy relationship. Genuinely healthy and beneficial relationships can't be faked. So the next best thing is to live on the flipside of that. The positive yearning and longing associated with genuinely healthy relationships-- there's an "upside down" version to that!

     Those injectable doses eventually become lived-in, so the next doses need to be bigger... and then bigger... and even larger... toxic relationships can become so destructive, that many of them lead to sickness, disease and even untimely deaths. Not at all unlike the outcome of illegal drug abuse!
     By becoming aware of, and acknowledging, the "dark matter" alongside the picture of the "upside down", we will become more equipped to understand and to deal with the toxic relationships in our own lives and the lives of our family members and friends.
     Many people coming from a series of toxic relationships, or from serious and long-term toxic relationships, carry this pattern with them into their new ones without realising what they are doing, or that there is anything really alarming or different about their actions, at all! When a toxic relationship becomes the idea of a normal relationship in someone's mind, that is how we are able to recognize long-term victims of this type of substance abuse.
     How to stop it, then? In the beginning phases of this addiction, the answer is to say, "This ends, or we end." The recognition of the occurence of this substance abuse is the first vital approach, then the identification of the elements that are being injected into you (and that you are injecting back into your partner), followed by an acknowledgment that it must end now or the relationship ends now. The two cannot continue alonside together. These steps alone are already half of the battle, since the fact that this whole process eludes most is what provides it with the airflow in its spaces where it may continue to multiply.

   
     Then, ground rules! "I don't have the time or energy for this type of banter, it must end"; "if we are not making each other healthy and happy, then we should not be in each others' lives", so on and so forth. Firm and immovable decisions, coupled with the formulas to either negate the toxicity and stop it, or to end the relationship. And I mean end it. When there is a negative energy flow attached to something you are thinking of saying to the other person-- don't say it! Or, transmutate it into the opposite, into something positive and kind!

 
    Probably the greatest hurdle to curing the toxicity of a relationship, or to ending the toxic relationship completely, is the desperation to be in any relationship at all. This must be removed from your heart. The fear of being poisoned must be greater than the fear of being alone, or of losing someone else. After all, what do you gain even if you win the whole world, but lose your own soul? And, no, the person poisoning you is NOT your own soul. No matter what literature, romance fiction, pop culture and the movies have to say. No, don't just stand there and watch me burn, it's not alright and I don't like the way it hurts, no thank you!
     I hope this is helpful, wonderfuls! Please share this article with someone you feel really needs it! And do have a wonderful day!

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What Is A Polymath?

     Hey, wonderfuls! I have something exciting to share with all of you today! The first part of my interview with Dr. Angela Meyers Cotellessa is finally live! I am both thrilled and honoured to have done this with her! Dr. Cotellessa has experience working for the US government and has spent some training time in one of her favorite places in the world, London!

     I was first approached by Dr. Cotellessa last year when she was writing her thesis on polymaths for her doctorate. She told me that she believes I am one, and that she would like to interview me. We decided to do something specifically unique to my case, though, and we structured the interview as a social media-shareable article, just a little over a month ago. 

     It was the most grueling interview I have ever done! It lasted FIVE HOURS and I was asked question upon question upon question, non-stop, with only seconds given in-between for me to even think of answers! By the time we were done, I was famished! I ate an entire watermelon! I felt like my brain had been dissected and laid out all on the table! I felt like there were walls in my mind that had been pushed aside and little things in corners with roots had been pulled out and inspected! This was all the doctor's style of scrutinizing, inspecting and testing my polymathy.

     I have here for you the first part of A Polymathic Thought Journey with C. JoyBell C., (YAY! YAY! YAY!), which has been edited into an intelligible format that can be easily followed by readers. While the format of the questions and answers has been arranged into intelligible structure, the words themselves remain in their raw form. Please, read up! Then ponder, discuss, share and ASK ME QUESTIONS! Let's keep this conversation rolling!

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Things Noone Ever Warned Me About!

     I've reached a curious pivotal in my life. And I have been contemplating how to talk to all of you about it. Like, how do I even begin? It's a significant era in my life, I feel, and I think there are two factors causing it: 1. My age; and 2. The fact that my son will be an adult in a few months from now.
     Let's talk about number two first. I feel like I am THAT MOMMA. Yeah, if there were ranks assigned to motherhood, I'd be the Colonel, now! I watch my facebook friends post pictures of their babies's first day at the beach, and I recline into my chair, like a seasoned matron who regularly raises her eyebrows at everyone and doesn't have time for people with ugly shoes and unmanicured nails and no witts! And I indeed raise my eyebrows and chuckle to myself, "Been there, done that, what a long way they still have to go..." and my chuckle is a hearty one, one that makes me look like a seasoned matron with regularly raised eyebrows and constantly raised attitude! In fact, this all reminds me of way back when the matronly lady of such disposition was actually my icon. I would watch them at the malls (at Fendi, Gucci and Prada) and wonder about all their life experiences and how they seemed to be continuously whispering under their breath, "Bitch, please, you know nothing yet."

     Having a son who is preparing for college in two years, makes me roll my eyes at everyone and everything, for some reason nobody ever warned me about. And I am a serious eye-roller, really. It's what my ex hated about me the most (hahahha). This stage in my journey of motherhood is something that no one ever warned me about, in, well, ever! I didn't know my mind, soul and emotional availability would be influenced to such a degree as it has been! Everything is just so fucking different now. All we talk about is Law School, Advanced Placement school programs, if and when he should get married, if and when he wants to have children (he does), and so on and so forth. The narrative has completely changed. He is now thinking about (and I alongside him), the parts of life I feel I was just struggling with on Monday. You know?

     When did this even happen? When did this all begin? When did this overtake me from behind and prop me up on this fabulous throne of skulls and bones?

     And then there is age. I am now becoming, at my age, the woman whom I used to stare at 20 years ago and wonder to myself, "How does someone become so severe like that?" The anti hero, "Batman of our times" you have all come to love and cherish, may be very well tipping towards villain status (well, just as far as cinematics goes). I used to look at women my age now, and wonder what made them decide that the world and everything in it is full of bullshit that they don't got no time for! And it's sort of like I woke up three weeks ago, and voíla, thqt woman was me! I am so done with bullshit, that I am even done with my own bullshit! Like, that's how actually done with bullshit I am! I can now look in the mirror and roll my eyes at my reflection while calling myself a cunt. And then smile at the cunt in the mirror looking back at me. Because even I can't bullshit myself, anymore! It's one thing to call others out on their bullshit; it's a completely different story to call yourself out on your OWN bullshit! Now that's a whole new level of savage! Albeit, a much more mature level!

     I spent last year reaching my hands out, stretching my arms out, in every direction, so I could catch people, to hold onto them, and pull them inside, closer towards me! Then I began the second half of this year eliminating the need to do that, and really just waiting for anyone to prove that they want to be a part of my life, to step up and show me they mean it. Otherwise, "been there, done that, I don't have no room for that in my life anymore." I feel like I am preparing a Japanese Zen garden, seeking out and catering to the need for less.
     Less idealism, less conformity, less giving-a-fuck. Less! Life gets shorter and things we used to bitch about just don't matter at all anymore. Villains know that. Cruella de Vil knows that. Catwoman knows that. Loki, Darth Vader, and Magneto know that. The Wicked Witch of the West knows that (sorry, not really, but she looks great on this list, doesn't she?)

     So, as I raise my eyebrows on the daily and roll my eyes by the hour, please raise your glass to mine, wherever you may be reading this, to motherhood, villainhood, and no-time-for-bullshithood! May we all grow as wine does-- finer and snottier with age! Oh, and, if you're an eye roller too, may we all find the freedom to roll our eyes at ourselves and at others and even at the clock if we want to! And dump the guy if he has a problem with that! Cheers!

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This Is Why You Should Believe In Immortality

To be alive in this world is a very strange, very odd thing. A life consists mainly of memories and of possibilities. A very small percentage (maybe around 1 percent) of life consists of interacting and reacting with the physical present moment. So, life, in actuality, is mostly concept, perception and memory. Somehow and for some reason, we go to sleep and wake up the next day and the day left behind is a memory while tomorrow is a possibility. And we have this one day to actually physically live. It is incredible: we are, in reality, living mostly intangibly in an untouchable form of experiencing life, while only a very small part can be touched, smelled, heard and tasted. It's like we don't really live here, at all! It's like we just come along every 24 hours to dip our feet in the river!

Now, if life were tangible (let's say, 99% tangible and 1% intangible), then we would be walking around, talking and moving about within something like a rubric cube of physical life sticking all over us, around us, surrounding us, like sticky tape! We would have yesterday's newspaper delivered again today, and tomorrow's newspaper delivered to us today, we would have the thunderstorm from ten years ago still roaring in our sky this morning and we would jump into a puddle from 20 years into the future, today! We would be walking around in a cube-like structure of sticky physicality.

So what does life consist of? We exist in memory and in possibility, and we have 1 day, every day, to build upon this physical world so that we can wake up to the products of that physical world, the next day.

This is why I believe that death is an illusion, with its ingredients brought upon us by the ingrained imagination that we in fact need to die. We don't even really exist very much, in the first place. We shouldn't have to die.

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Before You Get Divorced (or Married), Read This!

       We are residing in a world, that is obsessed with relationships staying in one piece; a society obsessed with only one idea of a "happy ending", which is, the absence of an actual ending. People are taught to celebrate the relationships which last for 60 years, and to idolize such unions between two people. We are taught this, it is engrained into our minds through film, literature, societal pressure and religion. The holy grail of love, of marriage, of partnership.

       But happy endings can in fact be actual endings. I believe that we, as a society, should be able to celebrate people who choose to part ways with mutual respect and friendly understanding. Because in reality, the unions that seem to have no end, are really just the personal stories of certain individuals. It doesn't always happen that way. We like to tell ourselves that relationships are a result of hard work and other covetted inner values such as perseverance, dedication, determination; but what we are really doing, is trying to validate our admirable traits through the unions that we choose to have in our lives. Nonetheless, in reality, individual people create their respective unions that have their own unique stories which unfold in their own personal ways. We were all born in our own ways, we die in our own ways, we experience daily life through our own thoughts in our minds-- some unions last a lifetime, not because those people are perfect, are more hard working, resilient, persevering or dedicated-- they last a lifetime because that is their story. And really, nobody should be using their lasting unions as proof of their inner qualities as human beings.

       Not all marriages and relationships should last forever, that should not be the goal! The goal should be: to live in love, joy and kindness! If your union with someone else is not fostering a life of mental health, love, joy, healing and kindness; if it's not helping you become everything that you could possibly be, then it's time to move on, really. Truly, many times more often than mentioned, a divorce is the most selfless, kind and understanding act that two people can do for one another!
       We tend to believe that life begins and ends with a marriage or with a union. We usually forget that we were living our lives before it and that we will continue to live our lives after it.
       We should be celebrating the happy, thriving people; and if a divorce is what two people need in their lives to truly thrive and be happy, then we should celebrate their divorce as a success, just as much as we would celebrate a union of 60 years to be a success! In both cases, two people are happy and thriving. This alone should be the measure of how we celebrate and define our success and other people's success in this lifetime.

       Granted, it will always be incredibly difficult to separate from a deeper relationship, the choice has to be made in favour of a thriving lifespan, in favour of a happy lifespan. We worry what we are showing to our children--why? Shouldn't we be showing our children how to live a life of love, joy and kindness? Shouldn't we be showing our children all of the potential a lifetime has to offer? Shouldn't we be showing our children how to prioritize their mental health? That life doesn't begin and end with a marriage or with a relationship? Shouldn't we be showing our children how to forgive, how to make decisions in favour of their best health and happiness, and how to move on in life?
       Why are we seeing divorces as failures? We ought to see divorces as the ending of a chapter and the beginning of a new chapter. Just because something ends, that doesn't mean it was a mistake to begin with! It only means it lasted for the time it was supposed to last! People die every day. Does death mean that life was a mistake? Or does death mean that a life lasted while it was supposed to last?

       We truly ought to change the nature of our wedding vows; from, "'Til death do us part", to, "For as long as our journey together results in love, tenderness, kindness and happiness." Instead of saying, "In sickness and in health", we should say, "For as long as we do not cause each other anxiety or depression." Rather than saying, "For better or for worse", we need to be saying, "For as long as we both help each other become better people."
       The reason why so many marriages "fail", is due to the fact that wedding vows are harmful to both individuals involved. Wedding vows as so constructed in our days, sets people up for "failure", because, nobody should be promising to stay with any other person at the risk of their own mental health, self respect, joy and self-esteem. When we leave unhealthy relationships and toxic marriages, we are not failing; rather, we are giving our souls a chance to heal again, to love anew, and to thrive to our full potential.
       I am of course not saying that we should easily give up on our unions. But this is really needless to say. Because if it is any good of a union to begin with, we will not want to give up on it easily, anyway. People don't just easily give up on what or who they care about, that's just a given. It doesn't even need to be said.
       We need to be celebrating the joy and the love in other people's lives; not merely the longevity of people's unions. So much does change as centuries go by, so much does improve as centuries turn over; I believe that unions, marriages, relationships, and how we see and understand these, should most definitely be one of the aspects of our societies that we should push to improve upon.

       Consider revising the nature of your wedding vows, consider celebrating the choices of people to part ways with respect and friendly understanding, consider celebrating the actions other people take in order for them to thrive, to be healthy and to be happy. Consider rethinking what it means to "fail" and what it means to "succeed". Consider, and then share with others.
       I hope that I can help open up the world that we live in, to accept all the beautiful potentials that this lifetime has to offer! For myself, and for all others! Please share this message, then share it again and again!

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