He said to me, “Every time I see you, I have the same childish reaction. I’m always, like, hmmm who is this girl, and what’s going on here?”
We were born in the same month, same year, and pretty much grew up together if you overlook the years that went by in between us seeing each other again. We were sitting in his London flat along Old Street, just above Old Street Station and there was still Easter chocolate on the coffee table in between us.
“I know, right? Every time you saw me again, you would be standing there, trying to figure out everything, trying to figure out who I am, and why I was there! I remember when we were kids and I saw you again after a few years, you asked your dad ‘who is that girl?’”
He’s my cousin, he’s brilliant in every way, a pianist, a cook, a trader for Citigroup, a triathlete, a world traveler, and he has a great flat in London!
“I don’t know, you know, it’s like, I get that SAME childish reaction, you know? It’s always the same! I’m always, like, who IS this girl and why is she here? You know? I mean, I always see you again in the most random circumstances, and you always look different, you’re always doing your own thing, you know? I’m always trying to figure out WHAT is going on here?”
We were laughing together as we both lay there on the couches. He was so right about everything he was saying. I would see him again at different points in my life, that were always so off from the mainstream of what everybody else in our age group was doing, and Jeremy is always the kind of person with deep insight who thrives on analyzing things, and everytime I would see him again, I was this big puzzle he needed to put together! He needed to figure me out!
“Like you showing up at my apartment this weekend,” he laughed as he said to me “I was like WHAT why are you here? You’re just so random, running around with all these different currencies in your wallet, you know, what is going ON here! The first thing I asked you....the first thing I asked you was ‘DOES YOUR MOM KNOW YOU ARE HERE?’ What kind of a question is that, right?”
“Well you were right, my mother DOESN’T know I’m here! Jeremy, I’m not a kid, why would my mother need to know that I’m in London?”
“I don’t know, it’s just like, why would you be here? So randomly? It’s like, what is going on, you know?”
Personally, at my age, I really don’t believe that it’s necessary for my mother to know if I am in London, or if I am carrying 4 different currencies in my wallet. But my cousin had a point, he was going somewhere with all this talk, and it was helping me see myself better. I always say that the world should be a mirror that we reflect upon, and this conversation was going somewhere in the light that it was helping me figure my own self out.
“Jeremy, I think that it’s because at every single time in my life that you see me again, since we were kids, I’m always so out of the mainstream loop, like, everybody else our age is doing the same thing in life, and I’m just way out there doing my own thing, so there’s just a shock that comes with that, and its hard to digest it at first, I think.”
“Well it’s not that people are doing the same thing, but its more like people are doing their own things, but their lives usually follow this general pattern, you know, everybody’s life is generally going in a certain direction, this pattern, and you, you’re like this!” (And he looped his arm around in big circles, going in all directions!)
I thought about that for a few seconds. He was right.
“Yeah, you know, I think that’s because I’ve always done exactly what I want to do. I am always doing exactly what I want to do, when I want to do it, and that’s exactly what you see, when you see me again. How many people in this world do exactly what they want to do, when they want to do it? Nobody, because all people know is being a part of a heard. Following a pattern, being in the same place as everybody else. I don’t care for that, you know. I am going to do what I want to do, when I want to do it.”
“Yeah...I mean, like take my friend for example, ten years ago he was working for his dad in their business, now, ten years later, he’s working pretty much for himself, but he’s still in his dad’s business. You can generally find people in the same place, or nearly the same place, ten years later. But you- you just do everything at your own time, own pace.”
My cousin was right. I’m unpredictable, I never know where I’m going until I get there, I’m so random, I’m always growing, learning, changing, I’m never the same person twice. But one thing you can always be sure of about me is; I will always do exactly what I want to do. And when I want to do it.