Blank Pages

Blank Pages


One of the downfalls of man is that he protects himself by wrapping himself in his own preconceptions of his own self, and this manifests in many ways, it can manifest in a person seeing himself or herself as a picture conjured up in his/her mind that isn’t real, it can manifest in the desire to prove oneself to the world, it can manifest in various forms of denial (like denying the reality of one’s situation) and so on and so forth. But the manifestations are secondary to the cause.

We all know that the most difficult person to get along with is the person who bears the need to prove something to the rest of the world. Every instance becomes an opportunity for the individual to show you how big his barn is or how many cows he has grazing on his many acres of grass and then how green that grass is! Being with such a person is like being tied down into a primitive era during which time they actually did have barns and cows grazing! It’s a complete downer.

And some people walk through a hallway with covered mirrors– the hallway is lined with mirrors but there are blankets covering each of them. They go through life believing in an image of themselves that isn't real, and an image of themselves standing in the world and relative to the world, that isn't real. If you happen to be in that hallway and pull the blankets off the mirrors, they're going to think that you're hurting them; but they're actually just seeing their reflection for the first time. Sometimes the most horrendous thing a person can see, is all the hidden things inside them, the things they've covered, the things they choose not to see. And you're not hurting them; you're setting them free.

But what I really want to get at, is the act of a person wrapping himself or herself inside all these notions and preconceptions, in the first place. They do it as a source of security, they want to step out into the world firmly rooted in who they have preconceived themselves to be. They call it a strong sense of self, but this is not how a strong sense of self is truly gained; this is only how fake castles are built! They carry around their castles of sand and hold these castles in front of them, presenting them to the world, holding them up in front of their faces, but what happens when all that sand comes tumbling down?

I think that they should not limit themselves to their own preconceptions of themselves, but should throw themselves out onto a blank page that they haven't written on yet, and see what they find out about their own selves, see what story unfolds, see what happens! I always do this, and sometimes it can be very frightening! To very often have a blank page with nothing written on it yet! I feel as though I am a soul with a single covering–my body of skin– and that's the only thing between me on the inside and the rest of the world! It's quite frightening to begin each day on a blank page, forgetting your own preconceptions of yourself and allowing your mind to embrace the new! It is like meeting yourself for the first time, over and over again!

I conclude that people create their own images to bear in mind, not because they are strong, but because they are weak, insecure, and cowardly. Because much courage is needed to face a blank page every day and allow yourself to write brand new things on it, allow the beauty of the world to leave it’s mark on it, to not always refer to yesterday as a reason to be respected and loved today! To not always refer to what you saw of yourself yesterday, but to allow you to see yourself as brand new, every day!

My days are blank pages, and I choose to write on them with crayons, colored chalks, and then put them on the ground and dance on top of them!

Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.


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