An Attempt To Explain Something...

An Attempt To Explain Something

I will attempt to explain the lack of ability in people to support one another. Perhaps you come from a very supportive family, and are surrounded by a very supportive and loving circle of friends. But if you are not that fortunate, you will know what it feels like to never receive support from the people who claim to love you, not on any of your endeavors and not for any of your achievements, journeys, successes. I am going to explain the lack of this basic ability, in humans (some humans).

In his or her natural state, a person is eager, feels eager to support the victories and achievements, the goals and odysseys, of their fellow family member or friend; when a loved one achieves a dream, this is a cause for celebration but when a loved one falls, this is a cause for agony and they fall right along with their friend or family member. But there is an unnatural state of man, which unfortunately is more common, and it is the opposite of that!

It is all too common for family to be unsupportive and even ignore each others' achievements; each person wanting to be the more successful one, the brighter one, the more wonderful one, the more desired one, the more beautiful one, the greater one...nobody wants to look at the other and say "You're more beautiful than I am" or "You are more successful than I am" or "I support you, I am happy for all your endeavors and achievements and every dream of yours that has come true!" People don't want to say that, because they want to be the ones to have that, they want to be the ones to be in that position! People are not going to praise or support anybody whom they believe is more beautiful than they are, or whom they believe is more talented or more capable or more admirable; because they want to be that person! It is a waxing cold of the natural state of love. Instead of recognizing that the family unit is a unit and if one falls, that is the fall of all, when one rises, it is the celebration of all; people are beginning to see the family unit as a realm of competition and self-gain. And this is the downfall of mankind! They push each other out of the boat because they want to be the only one in it, and in the end, the boat will be empty, afloat, adrift, abandoned: a forgotten thing!

I have seen that the ability to support, celebrate, praise, compliment, encourage, and nourish, come only from those who are themselves happy! Only a truly happy person who believes in him/herself, is able to praise another, to uplift another, to nourish another, to celebrate another!

As for me, I have always been the nourishing type, the uplifting type, the person who will support a loved one to all lengths, even throughout my lowest days, my weakest hours, my most downtrodden circumstances. And so I am able to give and to support not only from my own happiness, but even through my weakness. I have the ability to go beyond. And I have seen others who have the same ability, who have impressed me!

But this is my explanation of the lack of the ability to support and to cherish, to help and to nourish, that I have found in many people: that they themselves lack a full sense of happiness and self-worth, and they feel in their innermost selves, that if they take any of anything within themselves that is capable of celebrating, that is capable of nourishing, that is capable of praising; they will wither up completely and will be left with nothing for themselves! This goes beyond a selfishness and into territories of envy, it goes beyond selfishness and into the realm of unawareness! Do they not know, that a joy planted in another, is a joy reaped for all? Do you not know, that a helping hand stretched out to the one you love, is a helping hand that you yourself will one day need stretched out for you?

People are like candles; some are small candles with small flames that light up the vision, while others are glorious Roman candles that burn ablaze like a wildfire and light up the Heavens. When your flame is small, your wax melts slowly; when your flame is great, your wax melts profusely! So there is no small candle that should have the audacity to say to the Roman candle "I will not lend you my flame, because you already burn so bright, I will keep all of my flame to myself, because you have so much more than I" and "If only I could put your flame out, everyone would see me, not you! I would be the one burning brightly into the Heavens, not you!" because a great flame can light up a small wick, but a small wick cannot put out a great fire. And a small candle must not desire to endure the flame of the glorious Roman candle, because if so, it's wax would melt into a liquid puddle on the table, within nothing but a moment!

Small candles, do not judge the grand candles that endure the heat of their own flames!

Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.


  1. I've been struggling with this very thing my whole life. My family is not the supportive and nurturing type, but I am. I have spent most of my life feeling like a failure because I never had their support. I know now that it was them who failed me. I have 3 kids of my own now, and it feels great to give them the support I never had.

    Thank you for this post. I really needed it today. Do you mind if I post a link on my blog, so I can share this wonderful message with my readers?

    1. Hello Bonnie,

      I just read your message now, and I'm happy to hear that this writing got to you at a time when you needed to hear it! Yes of course, please feel free to share this writing with a link, I would be very thankful to anyone who is able to share this message with others!

      I really am very happy that you feel this way about my writing, bless you.



I love to hear from my readers and friends, you touch my heart, so please feel free to leave me a note (or two). ♥

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