First, we need to identify what case of "bad mother" we are looking at here; I want to look at the mother who sees their children as an accessory to their lives: insurance policies in a marriage, a means to step into a higher class of society, a new way to live down past childhood insecurities– all in all, when one sees their children as self-embellishments. That's the kind of bad mother we're going to discuss today. Of course I know there are much worse out there, but then anything worse than what I'm proposing, I consider to be a product of Hades (seriously, because Hades has his own posterity too), so let's not go there. Without giving any thought on judging the reasons people get married (I personally believe that's 100% none of my business), let's look at the active, apparent choices that bad mothering exudes.
So, back to the question: Why is it that a bad mother is most likely to be of the persuasion that her child/children must shine the brightest? I'm not saying that all mothers who want their children to shine the brightest are bad mothers; I'm talking about the moms who compare their own kids to other happier, more intelligent, well-rounded children whilst the green-eyed monster takes ahold of them! For some reason, they cannot accept that in this big world there exists those who are better (especially because they are terrible mothers, of course other kids are going to turn out better!) In their unrelenting pursuit to fill the many voids within themselves, they fail to connect with their children/child at a seed level. They fail to become that pillar of wisdom, the gentle touch of the potter's hand! They forget to see their child.
I think I understand this phenomena. We must not have a hate, but an understanding. A woman who sees her children as a means of self-embellishment, in any way, is mainly just thinking about herself. Her insecurities. How she didn't shine when she was little. How the kids back then were mean to her. One day when she has kids with a rich man, she's going to make sure that they don't live the life that she lived! There's a tremendous amount of unaddressed insecurity there. Bitterness and spite. Every time another kid in the class is happier, shines brighter, this mama once again feels the sting of her yesteryears. Her focus is all on herself, really. Instead of seeing her children/child as their own people with their own lives who are her biggest blessings to have and to hold and to teach and to mold; she sees her offspring as a second chance at her own life! The life she once only dreamt of. And so the child becomes an object. Yes, the object is living, breathing, laughs and cries– but it is an object nonetheless. It is not a bearer of a unique destiny, the bearer of an individual soul!
So how are we to see our children? Well, I believe that children have souls, those souls could be older and wiser than our own, we never know right away! There are many old fools that have grown old as baby souls while there are some children who were born emperors and empresses! A child isn't about you. I'm sorry, but once you become a mother, you are about your child! It's time to create sacrifices in the form of letting go of your insecurities, bitterness, spite, unforgiveness– for the very sake of your child/children! Maybe you never did make amends; but now's the time to forget all of that! If you are to throw away that gift from your mind and your heart, and would rather see yourself as a prism of light with attachments that happen to have come from your womb– well, it's time for some metanoia! It's time for some true change. (Click here to continue this thought...)