Flames and Wicks
The truth is that we never really
spark anybody. I was telling someone all about this recently. I told him that
we never really spark anybody, that’s the truth. We are only discovering what
is already there. We never really light flames; because another cannot light
the unlit wick; the lighting of the wick must be an internal action. We are
responsible for lighting our own fires and for keeping them burning, everybody
is responsible for his or her own flame. But sometimes, someone will come in
like a wild and windy burst of oxygen and set a flame ablaze! I am a wild and
windy burst of oxygen—that I know— and others may be thinking that I am the one
lighting their wicks, that I am the one responsible for inspiring their fires,
but I know what the truth is. The truth is that some of us have a fire within that
is so strong and so fervent because we refuse to let it burn out, while others
have a fire that is dim and that is dying or that is hidden away, and yet still
others have no flame at all and for those, we cannot do anything.
We seem to grow up believing the
notion that we can actually be the flame that lights people’s wicks, that we
can be this element, one of the four elements, to other people and we sometimes
place our sense of self worth upon whether we can do this for everyone or not.
In fact, this can become for some, an unhealthy drive to accomplish goals that
are not even inherently their own. I have had many people ask me how it is that
I do what I do, how it is that I am able to impact the lives of people
everywhere, they tell me that they want to be that kind of person, that they
want to do what I do, that they want to be thought of and remembered in the way
that I am thought of and remembered... but there’s a huge difference right
there! Because I don’t do what I do so I can be remembered for doing it; I
don’t write what I write and speak what I speak because I want to create this
image for myself. In fact, everything that I do is born from my struggles, the
things that I write were born from my struggles, and that’s why my words are so
impactful. Who wants to struggle? Nobody wants to struggle! I know I don’t! I
don’t want to be thought of and remembered as the person who overcame many
struggles! I want to be thought of and remembered as the person who is happy,
who laughs a lot, who is joyful! I’m not martyr material; I have no desire to
“be a good person.” No, I don’t want to be like Mother Theresa. Not even a little!
And so it is my struggle— my many struggles— that have afforded me the ability
to become. All I have ever been doing is becoming!
What is life, anyway, but a
great big becoming? Are we not all here in order to become? Become what? Become
who we are, that’s what! And how are we to become what and who we are when the very
moment that we are born into this world, we are born into a world that wants to
make us into what it wants us to be! I’ll tell you how— we become who and what
we are through struggling! We struggle to hold onto who we know we really are
on the inside! We struggle to hold onto the memories that we have of our true
natures! We struggle to transmutate rough and raw matter into pure gold! Because
we know we are gold! Because we know that that’s really us, that’s really who
we are!
I have written many pieces on
the strength of the woman. The strength and the worth of the woman. How am I
able to write about how worthy a woman is? Was it because I was born with an
enormous sense of self worth? Was it because I was born into a setting that
made me feel every ounce of my worth, every single day? No way! I am able to
write about the worth of the woman because I have had to force myself to
believe in my own worth, for years and years and years! I believe in things
without evidence of them. I make my own evidence of them, I make my own
evidence of the things that I believe in. You might think that this is a stupid
way to live one’s life; then take a look at me, do you think that I am stupid?
I would say that people do not generally think that I am stupid. I may perhaps
oftentimes think that I am stupid, but do you think I am stupid? Chances are,
you do not. And yet, I have been the creator of my own evidence for the things that I believe in. It
takes a lot to make evidence out of
things before they have formed in front of your eyes! Things like your own self
worth and your own strength and absence of fear!
I formed my writings on the
absence of fear, during the time in my life that I battled with panic attacks!
During the time when I was the most fearful that even the shadows of things
could haunt me— I wrote the most fear-killing words that I have ever written,
that are most cherished by people all over the world, today! I made my own
evidence of courage, strength and bravery, in the depths of the presence of the
darkest fears that I’ve ever experienced! I lit my own wick; I didn’t wait for
anyone or anything to light my own wick for me! I lit my wick, by myself! And I
lit it time and time again, over and over again! And then I kept it roaring
even when everyone and everything around me would try over and over again to
put it out!
We never really light anybody
up, we don’t start a spark in anyone, I never start a spark in any of the
thousands of people who follow me and read the things that I write. What I do
is I try to be me and when I try to be me—while I become me— this process
discovers the fire in others, everywhere, which allows them to see their own
fires for the first time! We can discover the fire that is another, yes. But
the other must light their first flames for themselves. Nobody can do that for them;
nobody can do that for you. You do that for yourself! God won’t even do that for
you, you do it for yourself!
Many people would like to follow
in my footsteps and do what I do someday... I am honoured to be looked up to,
especially by young girls everywhere. I am not a very blameless woman, but I am
me! So if anyone is looking up to me now, I can be sure that they are really
looking up to me for who I really am in front of the scenes, behind the scenes—
everywhere! And I would like to say to those who want to follow in my footsteps
because they want to be remembered for being wise, for being an inspiration,
for being this and for being that— don’t! Don’t try to be these things because
of, you, you, you!
And in a way this sounds like a
predicament, because your focus is on becoming you, but then at the same time
you must not want to do things all because of you! But you see there is a big
difference between the love of the becoming of oneself, and the love of being
known as something. Do you get me here?
The
prior is the desire to see your true self, while the latter is the desire for
others to see you! The prior is a true love while the
latter is an infatuation! Infatuation is shallow and narcissistic while true
love leads us into the direction of why we are even here on this Earth, in the
first place! The true love to become and to be, produces a love of giving,
because as you find your gifts, you will want to add to the world with those
gifts! You will want to add to the world not so you will be remembered in a
certain way or perceived in a certain way, but you will want to add to the
world because you have something to add that can help people. Because you want
to share your gifts and you want to share those gifts not because you’re going
to be seen as a selfish person if you don’t and not because you’re doing it
because you want to be seen as such a good person; but you want to share those
gifts because you want to. Just
because you want to. Because when you really do have, you will want others to
have, too, and giving becomes a by-product of the journey that you are on.
It is about never forgetting the
journey that you are on. If on your journey, you become a wild and windy burst
of oxygen for the flames of others, then praises be! But remember that you can
never light another that has not already lit himself and remember that finding
your divine purpose is an inward journey, and in actuality, the inward journey
is the journey that thinks more and more of giving as it becomes, because the
more that we become, the more that we want to give. Moreover, we do not become,
by imagining that all is well and that all is good; but we become, through
struggle and through battle and through fight. Through creation of what is not yet
seen, through formation of what is not yet understood!
To all those who wish to become
like me, I say to you, if you want to become like me, then you must, you must,
you must— become you!
Copyright © 2014 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.
