Flames and Wicks
The truth is that we never really spark anybody. I was telling someone all about this recently. I told him that we never really spark anybody, that’s the truth. We are only discovering what is already there. We never really light flames; because another cannot light the unlit wick; the lighting of the wick must be an internal action. We are responsible for lighting our own fires and for keeping them burning, everybody is responsible for his or her own flame. But sometimes, someone will come in like a wild and windy burst of oxygen and set a flame ablaze! I am a wild and windy burst of oxygen—that I know— and others may be thinking that I am the one lighting their wicks, that I am the one responsible for inspiring their fires, but I know what the truth is. The truth is that some of us have a fire within that is so strong and so fervent because we refuse to let it burn out, while others have a fire that is dim and that is dying or that is hidden away, and yet still others have no flame at all and for those, we cannot do anything.
We seem to grow up believing the notion that we can actually be the flame that lights people’s wicks, that we can be this element, one of the four elements, to other people and we sometimes place our sense of self worth upon whether we can do this for everyone or not. In fact, this can become for some, an unhealthy drive to accomplish goals that are not even inherently their own. I have had many people ask me how it is that I do what I do, how it is that I am able to impact the lives of people everywhere, they tell me that they want to be that kind of person, that they want to do what I do, that they want to be thought of and remembered in the way that I am thought of and remembered... but there’s a huge difference right there! Because I don’t do what I do so I can be remembered for doing it; I don’t write what I write and speak what I speak because I want to create this image for myself. In fact, everything that I do is born from my struggles, the things that I write were born from my struggles, and that’s why my words are so impactful. Who wants to struggle? Nobody wants to struggle! I know I don’t! I don’t want to be thought of and remembered as the person who overcame many struggles! I want to be thought of and remembered as the person who is happy, who laughs a lot, who is joyful! I’m not martyr material; I have no desire to “be a good person.” No, I don’t want to be like Mother Theresa. Not even a little! And so it is my struggle— my many struggles— that have afforded me the ability to become. All I have ever been doing is becoming!
What is life, anyway, but a great big becoming? Are we not all here in order to become? Become what? Become who we are, that’s what! And how are we to become what and who we are when the very moment that we are born into this world, we are born into a world that wants to make us into what it wants us to be! I’ll tell you how— we become who and what we are through struggling! We struggle to hold onto who we know we really are on the inside! We struggle to hold onto the memories that we have of our true natures! We struggle to transmutate rough and raw matter into pure gold! Because we know we are gold! Because we know that that’s really us, that’s really who we are!
I have written many pieces on the strength of the woman. The strength and the worth of the woman. How am I able to write about how worthy a woman is? Was it because I was born with an enormous sense of self worth? Was it because I was born into a setting that made me feel every ounce of my worth, every single day? No way! I am able to write about the worth of the woman because I have had to force myself to believe in my own worth, for years and years and years! I believe in things without evidence of them. I make my own evidence of them, I make my own evidence of the things that I believe in. You might think that this is a stupid way to live one’s life; then take a look at me, do you think that I am stupid? I would say that people do not generally think that I am stupid. I may perhaps oftentimes think that I am stupid, but do you think I am stupid? Chances are, you do not. And yet, I have been the creator of my own evidence for the things that I believe in. It takes a lot to make evidence out of things before they have formed in front of your eyes! Things like your own self worth and your own strength and absence of fear!
I formed my writings on the absence of fear, during the time in my life that I battled with panic attacks! During the time when I was the most fearful that even the shadows of things could haunt me— I wrote the most fear-killing words that I have ever written, that are most cherished by people all over the world, today! I made my own evidence of courage, strength and bravery, in the depths of the presence of the darkest fears that I’ve ever experienced! I lit my own wick; I didn’t wait for anyone or anything to light my own wick for me! I lit my wick, by myself! And I lit it time and time again, over and over again! And then I kept it roaring even when everyone and everything around me would try over and over again to put it out!
We never really light anybody up, we don’t start a spark in anyone, I never start a spark in any of the thousands of people who follow me and read the things that I write. What I do is I try to be me and when I try to be me—while I become me— this process discovers the fire in others, everywhere, which allows them to see their own fires for the first time! We can discover the fire that is another, yes. But the other must light their first flames for themselves. Nobody can do that for them; nobody can do that for you. You do that for yourself! God won’t even do that for you, you do it for yourself!
Many people would like to follow in my footsteps and do what I do someday... I am honoured to be looked up to, especially by young girls everywhere. I am not a very blameless woman, but I am me! So if anyone is looking up to me now, I can be sure that they are really looking up to me for who I really am in front of the scenes, behind the scenes— everywhere! And I would like to say to those who want to follow in my footsteps because they want to be remembered for being wise, for being an inspiration, for being this and for being that— don’t! Don’t try to be these things because of, you, you, you!
And in a way this sounds like a predicament, because your focus is on becoming you, but then at the same time you must not want to do things all because of you! But you see there is a big difference between the love of the becoming of oneself, and the love of being known as something. Do you get me here? The prior is the desire to see your true self, while the latter is the desire for others to see you! The prior is a true love while the latter is an infatuation! Infatuation is shallow and narcissistic while true love leads us into the direction of why we are even here on this Earth, in the first place! The true love to become and to be, produces a love of giving, because as you find your gifts, you will want to add to the world with those gifts! You will want to add to the world not so you will be remembered in a certain way or perceived in a certain way, but you will want to add to the world because you have something to add that can help people. Because you want to share your gifts and you want to share those gifts not because you’re going to be seen as a selfish person if you don’t and not because you’re doing it because you want to be seen as such a good person; but you want to share those gifts because you want to. Just because you want to. Because when you really do have, you will want others to have, too, and giving becomes a by-product of the journey that you are on.
It is about never forgetting the journey that you are on. If on your journey, you become a wild and windy burst of oxygen for the flames of others, then praises be! But remember that you can never light another that has not already lit himself and remember that finding your divine purpose is an inward journey, and in actuality, the inward journey is the journey that thinks more and more of giving as it becomes, because the more that we become, the more that we want to give. Moreover, we do not become, by imagining that all is well and that all is good; but we become, through struggle and through battle and through fight. Through creation of what is not yet seen, through formation of what is not yet understood!
To all those who wish to become like me, I say to you, if you want to become like me, then you must, you must, you must— become you!
Copyright © 2014 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.