A Viaxe Continua!

       Hello, wonderfuls! How are the holidays going for you? I hope just as wonderful as you are! So lately, I have been thinking about how I differentiate myself from other public figures, been thinking about the big difference that I feel exists between what it is that I do and what it is that other people are doing. In doing so, I've reflected back to when I first started becoming a serious writer, because that's when I asked myself what I was doing. What am I doing? I asked myself, and I wasn't sure yet but one thing that I was sure of, was the fact that I knew what I wasn't! And what was it that I wasn't? Well, I wasn't an entertainer, that's what I was sure of. I knew that I didn't see myself as an entertainer, I knew that I wasn't writing to make people happy, or to entertain people. And beyond that, I didn't have any answers yet, but that's the one thing that I did know.
       So why didn't I consider myself to be an entertainer? Well, because I knew that I wasn't going to write anything in order to make people happy; that just wasn't my goal. I didn't have this goal of pleasing people. But I felt in my heart that I had a mission— that I needed to go into a certain direction, because if not, I wouldn't be able to fulfil that mission! And so I went into that direction, I just kept on following the path that kept on filling the void that was in me. You see, the void within you is like a hungry animal. Pick your favourite animal! Okay, now imagine that animal inside of you, living inside of your ribcage, and it's hungry! You find the direction that you're supposed to go into, by feeling where that animal's food is coming from! And so you keep on feeding it, you keep on heading into that direction, you keep on going that way... because you don't want it to go hungry! And that's what I've been doing!
       As I look back at the year which is now coming to a close, I can see how many times I got angry at people and I can see the root of that being their expectation of me to fulfil their desires for themselves. Whenever I got a word of, "You disappoint me by saying this" my reaction would immediately be, "The hell I care if you're disappointed!" But right now I can see that what it really was, was me saying, "I'm trying to feed my tiger here, stop trying to take his food away!" It was this inner hunger that I was feeding and it annoyed me beyond belief to feel even for just a minute, that anyone would think that I was there hoping that they're happy with me. That's what it was really about!
       And as I look back at the year which is nearing its end in a few days, I can see how many times I've felt comforted by all of my wonderfuls, by all of you! Time and time again, you guys would pop out of nowhere to remind me that I was going in the right direction, that the tiger was being fed, that I would eventually really see the destination and know that I had found my way! Time and time again, you brought tears to my eyes, letting me know just how much my existence has moved in your beings!
      When I post photos, that is a form of expression for me— self-expression— not an offering of entertainment. When I share things that I write or that I just think, that is an activity of creation that I perform with my hands and my mind! I am building inner cities that are invisible to the eye but that are felt in the hearts of thousands of people, everywhere! I am a builder of invisible cities.
       I want to say thank you, to each and every wonderful out there, and especially to those ones who have loved me the most. Thank you because you saw me walking on my path and you chose to walk with me. And look! We have a whole new year ahead! A viaxe continua!


C. Bells


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