Hey wonderfuls! I am currently taking a course on Positive Psychology, from University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. I have found this study to be very beneficial to my life and I encourage everyone to dabble in it.
This week though, the professor discussed loved from a PP standpoint, and this standpoint is one which I find to be greatly flawed and I entirely do not agree with it. I have noticed that when people have good ideas, they tend to apply the same idea to every area of life, abandoning common sense and knowledge in the process. This, of course, is not the advisable way to live! Common sense must be utilized in every situation and we cannot take one idea or belief system, and then proceed to apply it to every area in existence! A good example for this would be the principle of not lying: one is taught that lying is a sin, is immoral, and that one should never do it. Sadly enough, there are those who will take this mindset and apply it to every area of life, so even when the situation involves the person's safety or the safety of a loved one (a weirdo comes along and asks about your whole schedule for the day, or a suspicious character comes along asking for your sister's whereabouts or your child's whereabouts, etc. etc. etc.), they are stifled by the principle of never telling a lie, and in doing so, compromise the safety of their loved ones, or themselves! Of course, when suspicious people come along asking for the whereabouts of someone you know, you should say that you don't know anything about those whereabouts, and then after that you should probably call that person and tell them to be careful and/or call the authorities. You should never "not lie" in such situations! This is the application of common sense! Yet unfortunately, there are those who would not be able to apply such methods of common sense in similar scenarios. And it is in this same vein that I have observed that people these days come up with great ideas, but then begin to apply them onto areas where they should not be applied to. And that's where this week's lectures come into the picture.
This week the professor discussed love and what love is, from the standpoint of Positive Psychology. According to this idea, love is an exchange of positive moments that get built up into a positive experience/a positive relation that you begin to attach to the other person with whom you experience these positive moments with. Therefore, according to this school of thought, love is neither everlasting nor unconditional, since it stands on the premise of this one condition, called, "positivity resonance." Now, this is where I believe the whole application of PP is just falling off of the map. So you mean to tell me that we love the people whom we love, because of the positive moments that we've been able to have together, and if those moments were not built in exactly those ways, we would never have loved them/we would cease to love them? Oh dear. Please don't... I can't even...
We love the people that we love, because they are there for us when we feel like we can't face life alone and they remind us that we don't need to face life alone! We love the people that we love, because we know that when we cry, it hurts them, too. We love the people that we love because we share mutually in tears and in pains and in struggles and in hardships, and we know that because we are together, we can get through all of that— together! Because of the people we love, life becomes livable! Because of the people we love, we know that we have people to share with in not just the good parts of life; but in the hardships, as well! We will never have to carry our burdens alone, because these people love us!
So what's going to happen to PP-believers now? Once life gets hard, they're going to think nobody loves them anymore? That love is over? That a relationship is over? Or what?
I would like to implore people, everywhere, to not paint everything in life with the exact same brush that you found in the pretty paint can! The paint is pretty, yes, and the brush is a big one, too! But it's not supposed to go over everything, really. There is a time for everything. Have a great day, wonderfuls! And remember why you love the people that you love! It's the good moments; but it's all the other moments in between, too! Really, it's all the times you are there for each other!