The Ponderings of a Single Flower

       It is a very strange sensation that I feel when I read how other people describe themselves and all of the things that they're doing or all of their achievements... all of the adjectives that they use, all of the things that they do for the world, they list down all the dreams that they have... it's weird for me to hear people refer to themselves as "gurus", as "world-changers"... it's like people WANT to be all of these things... and it's strange for me because these things are thrust upon me but I never asked for them! I don't want to use many adjective to describe myself; I just want to say that I am a person who likes cake. Red velvet specifically. Well, blue velvet is on my wish list (never had that one yet). I grow tired of people telling me how much my work has changed their lives... because honestly, I don't have a dream of changing people's lives! I'm merely friendly, authentic, and I like to meet people— that is all. I don't have a dream of changing the world! And I simply rise to the occasion only because chance keeps on putting me on this path! If I were only living in a beautiful home, with beautiful children, in a beautiful place with beautiful flowers and many chocolates, I would be just as happy as I am now that many people know my name and know about what I do. I might even be happier! Why? Well I suppose this is the difficulty that I bear only because I actually know the meaning of life! Those who do not understand the meaning of life, do not share in this knowledge which can become a burden to have! Am I supposed to grow happier as more and more people know my name? I don't think so... I would rather live in a place where there is much cake at every corner! And many nice shoes to buy! Am I supposed to grow happier because my work changes the lives of people? Why should I? The only portion of the world that we are responsible for, is the portion of the world that is in our hearts and souls! Nobody is born to change anything but his or herself. A flower grows and buds and blossoms, not to make the whole garden beautiful; but a flower grows and buds and blossoms because it wants to. Because it is a flower. And I am just a flower. A flower who finds it strange why and how other flowers think that they are changing the whole garden! Again, this is my fate to think like this, only because I know the meaning of a flower. And so, perhaps there is a truth to the saying that goes, "It is not good to have too much wisdom."
       People send me emails and ask who I am, and I say, "I am me." What else am I supposed to say and what else am I supposed to be? Again, all I know is that before I started doing what it is that I am doing, I felt that there was something that I should be doing! There is a hunger that is planted into the hearts of flowers that are supposed to do things! So, where is the choice, where is the free will, in this? Is free will a reality, if you are destined to go hungry if you do not do something? What if you don't want to do it? What if you just want to be a flower that is there because it wants to be there and not because it must affect the whole garden? But then... you are hungry and so you search for that which may fill your hunger! And then you will always find it strange why other people go around and broadcast how hungry they are! "I do this, I do that, I am this, I am that... I save the world..." all it sounds like to me, is, "I am hungry." And that is why I don't describe myself in such ways; instead, I just say that I want to eat cake! Because then that solves the whole problem!

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