I recently had a very enlightening and revealing realisation about myself, which was a very humbling thing to realise. And I mean "humbling" in the sense that I truly felt humbled by this realisation; I don't mean that I actually feel proud. I know how lots of people use humbled to mean that they feel proud. I just really mean humbled. I mean that I realised how human I actually am.
So, it dawned upon me how really impressionable I am. I have always liked to see myself as an extremely tough individual. When I was a kid, I always wanted to be a soldier. I wanted to be a princess, too, but princesses actually lead soldiers into battle (yes, I'm thinking of that kind of princess— the real kind). I always took pride in the thought that I was impenetrable and hardened to the core! But after all, it was just a thought! I'm still the person who can't scream at anyone, I'm still the person who speaks in whispers! I'm still the gentle one!
I came to see this fact about myself, that the things I see, hear, feel— leave impressions upon me as if I am sand on the seashore and all the people walking on the seashore are leaving their footprints all over me! When I hear a story about a wayward lover— I act like I don't care— but that's just because I care so much, that it pains me to think about the other person's pain. When I hear about things that happen in the world, and in other people's lives, or when I see the things that have happened to other people in their lives, or even when I recount my own experiences in life— all of these things leave their impressions upon me, and I feel frightened in a world where people are always getting hurt, all the time! But then it works both ways! I'm also very impressionable in the sense that another person's joy can be my own joy, another person's beautiful story can become my own dream, the birds that sing in the morning fill me with happiness, the way that the sun shines tells me stories, the way that a light bulb glows in a certain frequency is enough to make my soul swell with comfort!
I suppose I am just a hypersensitive being. And this is humbling to realise, when you previously believed that you were tough and hardened! You're not really hardened; you're just covering up the soft parts, because they're really, really soft! It's humbling to realise that other people's stories can scare you, that other people's experiences can cause you to fear things in your own life! We think that our wings bring us up so high! Only to find out that even how high we fly— we carry something like a leaf or an acorn or a shell in our talons! Something that makes us still feel the wind through the trees; still feel what it's like to freefall through the branches; or still hear the ocean in a single shell!
You just need affection, and kindness and gentleness— lots of it! You just need a blanket, a lot of warmness, a lot of assurance! You need all those things you never thought you needed, because you thought you were tough and could do anything on your own! But you need those things, you really do. And guess what? You actually need it probably a lot more than other people do! Because other people don't really feel or notice the changes in a lightbulb's frequencies or hear the whole sky sing when one bird does!
You don't need camoflage, you don't need a gun, you don't need weapons! You need a hug, you need comfort, you need a blanket, you need a kind voice. Kind eyes. You are soft, and you need to know it. Maybe you're not tough; but you're beautiful!