Today I realised just how friendly I really am. I was buying underwear at F&F, when I began to greet the staff and ask about their lives; people whom I had met only twice before, because they were helping me do my shopping in their store. They were very happy to answer all my questions about themselves, and one was pregnant, and I asked why she was still pregnant because she already looked like she was going to pop the last time I was there, and she said she's giving birth next month, so I asked what she's going to name her baby and she said she doesn't have a name yet, and of course I, being the baby-naming-fanatic that I am, gasped out loud and told her I could help her name her baby! And I was serious! I love naming babies! This made her laugh out loud, and all her friends laughed too, but I didn't think it was cute or funny— I wanted to help her name her baby! I like naming babies! :)
My point is, I didn't previously realise how friendly I really am. The staff at F&F looked really, REALLY surprised that I was asking them about themselves and talking with them! You see, there is a rotation of the staff there and the last time I saw this batch was about a month ago. But it's funny because I don't know people's names; I know the shape of their eyes, the texture of their hair, I know how much their countenance glows (or doesn't glow)... I remember people for all the many parts that make up who they are— but I most likely don't know their names. Which is a little funny, I think.
I remember the first time I made my very first ever friend. I walked up to a total stranger on the school playground, and I asked her what her name was, and I told her mine. From that day on, we were inseparable!
It's funny because I have never really realised how friendly I am, until today! Come to think of it, I AM very friendly! And I feel hurt very easily if someone else doesn't want to be my friend!
How do we balance a very friendly nature with living in a world that isn't comprised of very friendly people? I am not sure if I have figured that out yet, because, I didn't even know I was like this, until now! I just know that I easily feel hurt, when I feel like someone is my friend but then it turns out they're not. I suppose the balance lies in just being friendly in the moment, without expecting someone to actually become a real friend to you. Or, maybe, the balance is more on self-compassion... if you are easily hurt, maybe you should just try to stop fixing that about you, and just have compassion for yourself and just not be too friendly to those who don't reciprocate. The good news is— there are plenty of people who DO reciprocate— they are usually the very simple-hearted ones. Like people who sell you your underwear at F&F! They're happy when you remember them! They're glad when you smile at them! :) So, I guess that means that friendliness is a trait of the simple-hearted person, but is also a source of hurt for those same people. I guess we don't need to be friendly to everyone; just to those who have the same kind of hearts that we do; or at least, to those who appreciate what we are like!