I used to think that it wouldn't be wise to love a man with all my heart, because if he were to die, I would die along with him. It would hurt too much to lose him. It is only after experiencing the death of a loved one up-close for the first time (someone I used to see every day, for years, up until his dying day), that I have come to see the truth, and that truth is, that when we love someone, we must love them with everything we have and with all of our hearts, because when they die, we won't be thinking about how we gave too much or how we lost too much— we will only be thinking about what more we could have done, to let them know we loved them. And my previous thoughts were with regards to loving a man in life (a life partner); and the one who passed away was not my life partner (thank God), notwithstanding, my eyes were opened to the truth, the very same. I am able to feel from all angles, including the feelings of the other people involved, and so thankfully, I am able to learn very much.
In our daily lives, we all focus so much on protecting ourselves from getting hurt, we are all so afraid of the pain that comes with giving too much and being shortchanged or slighted in return. We're afraid of pain, because it hurts, but what we don't immediately realise, is that pain is just another feeling, and when someone dies, that feeling becomes no more important than all the other feelings that you shared with regards to that person! When a person dies, it comes down to two things: whether you are able to say, "I loved that person in every way possible that there is for a person to love another"; or, whether you must truthfully tell yourself, "I was afraid of getting hurt, I was afraid of giving too much, I couldn't forgive this...I couldn't forgive that..." it is true that the things we are going to regret at the end of our lives (or at the end of the life of a loved one or of someone we are in love with), are not the ways in which we were hurt! But the things that we are going to regret are the ways in which we held back, in which we thought of ourselves first; the ways in which we doubted too much and for too long, the ways in which we were afraid of being shortchanged... all the ways we didn't love and we didn't get hurt because we didn't let ourselves care enough to get hurt— those are things we will regret for the remainder of our own lives here on Earth!
We live in a society that teaches and advocates— so much and all the time— about the importance of "not being needy", of "not being clingy", of "not receiving the shorter end of the string". We are taught and bombarded, from left and from right, on Facebook and on LinkedIn every day— all of these principles that are not what life is all about! The truth is that we are all needy! And we ought to show it, too! We ought to be what we are! Why wouldn't we be needy? From the moment we are born, we need our parents (or guardians) in order to survive! We need friends, we need our teachers at school, we need people to listen, to empathise with us, to give us a helping hand... we need people to play with as children, and to grow with as adults! We neeeeeeed! We are all needy! The world consists right now of two kinds of people: needy people who are brave enough to show it, and needy people who are afraid to show it (or conditioned too much into thinking they shouldn't show it).
The most needy person I ever met, was a friend of mine, a man who didn't believe in relationships and who slept around with women left and right, who condemned every woman the moment she began expressing a need for him, the moment she would begin to express jealousy and concern. The moment he felt like the women he was sleeping with were beginning to need him— he left them. Period. But he was himself incredibly needy, always in need of constant contact, constant stimulation, constant ear to hear his innermost aches and pains... I suppose people hate in others, what they actually hate the most about themselves.
We are all needy and beautiful at the same time, and I can't think of a more beautiful way for human beings to live their lives, than to live with the acceptance of this fact. People today are running away from the truth, every day and all the time. People today feign happiness, but never really have it with them. Perhaps it passes them by; nevertheless, they don't hold it within their hands.
Why are people not being taught to love as much as they can, because there is no shame in love? There is no shame in love! Whether you love a person worthy of you, or you love a person who wasn't worth it— the worth of your love given, is never diminished by another! And I am not saying this to advocate staying with someone who does not love you in return, or who does not value you; but I'm saying this to stress that even in the event that you love someone not worthy of it, that would not make your love unworthy as a result. Other people's value does not dictate the value of our love, because only we can dictate the value of our own love. And there is no shame in need! Everyone is needy! Some people just aren't brave enough to know it! If we all knew and accepted how needy we are, and other people are, we would live life with open arms, open hearts, and with so much more compassion!
Why are people always being taught how to protect themselves from love, how to manipulate someone into loving them, how to not be real, how to not be pure? Why? Because I tell you, when a person dies, it is very real, and all that's left is what's real. There are seven billion people on the planet, and yet, billions of people cannot find someone to come home to!
I want you to remember, that when someone you love is lying in their coffin (God forbid this occurrence), you are going to want to be able to say, "I did everything in my power to love this person, there's nothing more I could have done to love this person", because in that moment, you will know what it means to hold victory within your heart, you will know what it means to be a conqueror of life, you will know that you have loved, and that there is no shame in loving. I hope to love someone like that, but I also hope to be loved like that, the same (or more). Because there is also no shame in being the one who is loved more.