The Observation, Understanding, Mitigation and Elimination of the Toxic Relationship

     We come across the term "toxic relationship" all the time, but taking an up-and-close personal look at the pieces and parts of it, means something else. But that's exactly what I want to do right now.
     The toxicity of a relationship begins with small doses of injections, very similar to how an illegal-drug user begins to inject him or herself with, for example, LSD. Except it is done to the other person (the partner) and not to oneself. So imagine two drug users bound together by the bond of being the trusted person to inject LSD into the other.


     Injections of jealousy here and there; a bit of anxiety here and there; some plays of power once in a while. A substance like LSD would trigger chemicals in the brain to sustain for longer periods of time not normally attainable without the drug in the system. Chemicals that we want to have running around in our system. "But why would anyone become addicted to a relationship that is not causing sustainable good chemicals but is actually causing quite the opposite: an overload of negativity?" Surely this is the question we all have in mind, and that many have been asking for a while now.


     There are all kinds of psychological explanations, using terms like "enabler" and "co dependent". However, I have observed that two people in a toxic relationship can become addicted to what I like to call "the dark matter of dopamine". What dark matter is to light matter in the universe, so is toxicity of a negative relationship to the dopamine sustained by a healthy one. The dark matter of dopamine. The parallel universe to the land of rainbows and sunshine. The "upside down" of Stranger Things on Netflix. Two people in a relationship can actually become addicted to this.


     It starts with little doses; a nasty comment here or there, a word or so meant to tug at the heartstrings that stir up anxiety, jealousy, paranoia or feelings of lessened self esteem. "But why would anybody become addicted to this?" You'd ask yourself. These triggers leave a space in the mind and heart where longing and yearning can be born and fester: a yearning to prove that he's faithful; a yearning to hear from that same person, the words that will restore your damaged self esteem; a longing to become "the one" because there are many others who are vying for that spot in his life; a longing that says "maybe today I will be worthy though yesterday I was not." These longings and yearnings festering within the spaces triggered by the toxic injections-- these are the substances that people become addicted to! The dark matter of dopamine!
     But why? Well, for one, it's an easier replica of a genuinely healthy relationship. Genuinely healthy and beneficial relationships can't be faked. So the next best thing is to live on the flipside of that. The positive yearning and longing associated with genuinely healthy relationships-- there's an "upside down" version to that!


     Those injectable doses eventually become lived-in, so the next doses need to be bigger... and then bigger... and even larger... toxic relationships can become so destructive, that many of them lead to sickness, disease and even untimely deaths. Not at all unlike the outcome of illegal drug abuse!
     By becoming aware of, and acknowledging, the "dark matter" alongside the picture of the "upside down", we will become more equipped to understand and to deal with the toxic relationships in our own lives and the lives of our family members and friends.
     Many people coming from a series of toxic relationships, or from serious and long-term toxic relationships, carry this pattern with them into their new ones without realising what they are doing, or that there is anything really alarming or different about their actions, at all! When a toxic relationship becomes the idea of a normal relationship in someone's mind, that is how we are able to recognize long-term victims of this type of substance abuse.
     How to stop it, then? In the beginning phases of this addiction, the answer is to say, "This ends, or we end." The recognition of the occurence of this substance abuse is the first vital approach, then the identification of the elements that are being injected into you (and that you are injecting back into your partner), followed by an acknowledgment that it must end now or the relationship ends now. The two cannot continue alonside together. These steps alone are already half of the battle, since the fact that this whole process eludes most is what provides it with the airflow in its spaces where it may continue to multiply.

   
     Then, ground rules! "I don't have the time or energy for this type of banter, it must end"; "if we are not making each other healthy and happy, then we should not be in each others' lives", so on and so forth. Firm and immovable decisions, coupled with the formulas to either negate the toxicity and stop it, or to end the relationship. And I mean end it. When there is a negative energy flow attached to something you are thinking of saying to the other person-- don't say it! Or, transmutate it into the opposite, into something positive and kind!

 
    Probably the greatest hurdle to curing the toxicity of a relationship, or to ending the toxic relationship completely, is the desperation to be in any relationship at all. This must be removed from your heart. The fear of being poisoned must be greater than the fear of being alone, or of losing someone else. After all, what do you gain even if you win the whole world, but lose your own soul? And, no, the person poisoning you is NOT your own soul. No matter what literature, romance fiction, pop culture and the movies have to say. No, don't just stand there and watch me burn, it's not alright and I don't like the way it hurts, no thank you!
     I hope this is helpful, wonderfuls! Please share this article with someone you feel really needs it! And do have a wonderful day!

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