(November 25, 2009)

In our eternal existence, who has the right to say that we only have one lifetime to live?

I think it is our mortal minds that put that lid on top of our vision, our beliefs. Our mortal instincts of logic, reasoning, become a lid screwed tightly onto our beliefs, trying to contain the magnitude of our existence.

Some of us go through our lifetimes keeping the lid in place. And even fastening it on tighter.

But I have taken the lid off and thrown it away! All away! Because I want to live this lifetime with no top end- and no bottom end! I want to breathe on the knowledge, the understanding, the passions, the lusts, the love, everything- that I have lived in all of my lifetimes before- I want to breathe on, breathe from- all of that. And then I want to feed on all the visions that I can have of many more lifetimes I will live after this one. I want to feed on the passions I know I will have, the love I know is mine, the many lusts and many joys that are all for my taking, the safety, the true love, that are anew and are awaiting me… I want to feed on all of that, today!

And so if I were a bottle…I would have no cork screwed into the top of me…and no bottom at the end of me. And so ordinary people would look at me and say to themselves “What use is there for a bottle like that?” But then the gods and God would look at me and say “Look at this funnel! This beautiful funnel of light!”

In the world today…there ought to be more funnels!

We like to think that eternity is something that we can see when we look up into the sky. Something that is far away. Out there. Something that we are not yet a part of. But the reality is that we are there- we are in the middle of it all. We are on one of the gazillions of planets in the universe- and we are there. We are here. We have eternity. Eternity is all around us. And it is inside us. What we must do is let it flow through us. Never-ending. Unfathomable. Never bound. Always flowing. Through us.



© 2009 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

All Of It

All Of It
(November 7, ’09)

I am tired of listening to people who talk about love, and say they are in love, and act as if they know love.

You should think that the more and more something is used and re-used, the more the something would become familiar. The more it would become known. The more it would become conceivable. Reachable. Mundane.

But then there is love. And the more and more that people say that they have it-that they know it- the more and more that I see how really different it is. Not at all like what people believe it to be.

Because I know that love is a spirit so strong, so defiant, so powerful, so beautiful, so unpredictable, and so very overwhelming and consuming, that it would not ever allow itself to be put into a box, to be molded into a frame, to become something of someone’s ownership.

True love is not something we can define in a book- it would eat the pages. True love is not something we can lock into a box- it would burn it to ashes.

I would like to say that true love is something that we do not possess- but that possesses us. Because that would complete a definition. But. I think that having true love in your heart is already a romance in itself. It is the possession of your whole being as you are consumed with the flames of passion and desire- but then it is also the possession and eating up of a life force on which your soul feeds.

And so, one is in love.

I know not of any true love other than this love. Than this in its mere becoming is already a full romance!

If you do not look at yourself and see yourself possessed and overtaken and consumed- whether in a soft and gentle manner or a raging and seething one- if you do not feed on this love as the source of your living soul- whether a soothingly sweet feeding or a suddenly gluttonous one- then I am not interested in this love that you say that you have.

What is the reason to live life, at all, if this is not all of it?

© 2009 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.


(February 20, 2009)

Toppled down
And all that’s left
Is the me
That’s hidden
Beneath these waves
Behind this sun
Under the blanket
Of these stars
I am hidden
And now
All is toppled down
I stand bare
A soul
That’s raw
My strength exceeds me
My heart feels
When all is toppled down
The walls are down
I bleed emotion
Stay with me
Touch me
Walk with me
Talk to me
Keep me
From drowning
Under these waves
Keep me
From burning
Inside this sun
Keep me
From being forgotten
Under the blanket of these stars
Without you
I am not
Toppled down
Without you
I am hidden
Topple me down
Touch me
Walk with me
Talk to me
Keep me
From being hidden
Keep the heavens
From reclaiming me
The heavens
They want me
For their own
Keep me

Copyright © 2009 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

Changing Everything

Changing Everything
(March 13, 2009)

Along you came
I saw you stumbling
Through the door
The sun was shining
From behind you
The crooked smile on your face
Made the sun
Shine brighter
Along you came
I thought I’d never
See that sun again
But along you came
The crooked smile on your face
Made the sun
Shine even brighter
I thought I’d never
Unlock that door again
The sky is still and blue
Behind you
You cast a soft shadow
On the floor
Your smile is crooked
Your crooked smile
Puts me back together again
Your crooked smile
Makes all the roads look straight
You can stay
And lock the door behind you
We can throw away the key
I’ll open the windows
The sunlight will flood in
And the sun will shine brighter behind you
The sky will be
And blue
Above us
Your crooked smile
Will make the walls
Look straight
I was the only
Crooked thing
Your crooked, crooked self came in…
Let’s sneak out
The back door
Let’s take a walk
Down the beaten road
Your crooked smile
Will set it straight
Your crooked self
Will find me

© 2009 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

A New Beginning (The Decision I Made)

Okay, now I think I have decided on what to do.

I'm not closing my blog, that's for sure (hurray! hurray! hurray!) I am going to keep the look of it, but there's going to be a change to the current content. I'm going to hide most of the current content, leaving some pieces of my choice up for reading. The pieces I choose to leave up for reading, will also be moved up to a current date. So it will feel like I just started my blog.

We are looking at a new beginning, everybody! A new beginning!

It will look as though I just began this blog, because only some content will be left, and that content will be moved up to a recent date, but I won't lose any of my valued readers.

I'm no longer going to make visible all of my work that I write, on here. But, from time to time, I will post a thing or two, just to give people a taste of what kind of a writer I am. And in between those "time to times" I could write things not so profound (if I can manage to do that- haha) sort of like a journal, but not quite (because I don't really like to keep an online journal open for everyone to read) and of course, I will be promoting my book as much as I can.

To date, I have about 5 manuscripts that are ready for publishing (that is 5 different books) and I will never stop writing, so that number will grow, and I will have to keep those manuscripts somewhere, but I won't be making them public anymore.

I have already taken down from here my novella, which has been moved to a file in my M.Word. Some of you will remember my novella from some time back...the setting was France in the year 1951.

I want to say THANK YOU to ALL of you!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! Every time one of you tells me you're going to buy my book, it just makes my heart swell so much!!! I am so blessed to have all of you!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

And as my very own way of saying thank you, here are some big, juicy, ultra sweet candy apples for you!!! There's enough for everybody!!! :)

Some Serious Advice Needed

Everybody, I need some serious advice right now.

So, I have been giving this much thought for the past days already. But I still need some serious advice.

See, when I thought about publishing, I also thought that I would still keep on writing on my blog. But now that my book is coming out soon, I feel awkward about writing on my blog. I didn't know that I would feel this way. I feel stuck into something that feels like a predicament. Or something that thinks itself to be like a predicament. Or something of the sort.

I have been thinking of various ways to get around this:

1. I could take my writings down, and change the way that I blog. Instead of writing on my blog, I can actually blog on my blog. It could be an author's blog instead of the writer's writing pad.

2. I could keep my blog the way it is, so that new readers have a history to go look back at, so they know what to expect from my book.

3. I could just close my blog. And I could move to Twitter where I can tweet about updates on my books (releases, progress, prices, etc.)

4. I could keep my blog the way it is, and only post something like once or twice a month, just to give readers a taste of what they can expect from my books whilst also providing the history of my writings for browsing through.

I really DON'T WANT to just close my blog, because this blog has been a way for me to grow as a writer. For years, I have been able to understand how readers appreciate and interpret my various writings, in many different ways. The comments mean a lot to me. And the journey I've had on this blog has been fulfilling and uplifting and a true learning experience. And the people I have met on this journey have all meant so much to me.

But then, here I am, stuck into something that feels pretty much like a predicament. It doesn't feel good to keep on writing on my blog everything that will be available for reading in my book.

Please help!!! Leave me your ideas in my comment box, please! Thank you! :)
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