The First Command

The First Command
(January 30, 2012)

I call to you now!
My league of Twenty Thousand!
You who inhaled my breath!
You who knew life again because of my
I call out your names! Each of you!
The golden horses and knights!
The bronze warriors!
And you soldiers!
Hear me now! You who share my
Listen to this command I give you!
Free me from the devourer!
Free me from the great claw
That holds onto my heel!
Crush its shell!
Eat its flesh!
Lay waste of all it’s children!
Eradicate all memory of it!
May it be ever forgotten!
Banish it from me!
Remove it from me!
Replace the clasps on my feet
With pure silk to bind my bruises!
Replace the rope around my ankles
With the caress of precious oils
Oils of rose and saffron!
I unleash you now!
I unleash you onto the beast!
Crush its head
Come and set me free!

Copyright 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.



It is like
A sweet, crimson poison
Drop by drop
Sweetly poisoning, deeply coloring
Every drop like a
Crimson cloud of mist dispersing
Steadily unfurling its wings
Like a scarlet angel

The scarlet angels fly
Slowly in my glass of water
Gliding, envenoming this water
Molecule upon molecule: a parasitism
Sweet crimson turns my water into wine
The overcoming I have long awaited

Let me transform Let me transform Let me transform

From water into wine

Copyright 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved

I know...

I know from the bottom of my heart and with all of it, that it doesn't matter if at the end of your life you can say that you shared the best of yourself with the rest of the world and it doesn't matter if everyone in the world remembers you as wonderful; but what matters is if at the end of your life you can say that you shared the best of yourself with the handful of people who are around you, that you gave the wonderful in you, to the people you love and who love you. Happiness never has and never will come from fame.

– C. JoyBell C.

On The Art Of Relationships And The Bad Blood Between Men And Women

Just because you picked out the fake diamond from the chest, doesn't spoil all the diamonds in there that are real! It just means you're an idiot! Or, hopefully, it was just a learning process. And we all go through learning processes.

– C. JoyBell C.

The Brotherhood Of The Fathers

The River God, Tigris: Vatican City

The Brotherhood Of The Fathers

Let us go yonder
Beyond our own seas and valleys
Past our ports and trading steads
To the distant towns and those peculiar peoples

Let us tear down their pagan temples
Dismantle their altars stone by stone
Desecrate their steps and pedestals
We will bring to naught their holy of holies

Let us build our sanctuaries on their sacred foundations
We will tell them that we are their redemption
Their salvation, the forgiveness of their sins
We will give them to shame

Banish them!
Enslave them!
Cast these people out!

Let us garnish them as sinners
As nothing more than savage
Lesser ones to be forgotten
Dismissed ignorant barbarians

Let us confine the gods to myth and legend
Stories for the children
Tall tales, lies, imagery!
Nothing more than simple amusements

Then let us carefully remove the statues
The sculptures of Zeus
Those figures of Venus
This replica of Poseidon

Then let us bind the gods to us
Here with us, in our chambers!
Under our roof, within our walls!
We will break bread in their presence!

Then let us emulsify in the glory
Of the imprints of the gods
Their thoughts bent always towards us
Captured in their images

We are their sanctuary now!
We are their new foundation!
We will bind and harness the gods!

And let us fear not
For there will be none to come and free them
Their peoples have been silenced
In their own fear of sin and accusation

And let us sleep well
The world cannot remember them
They are only bedtime stories
There is none to fear but us

Us alone

Copyright 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

*When I visited the Vatican, I saw that within her walls could be found many statues of gods and goddesses. We know that throughout history The Catholic Church has been responsible for destroying countless pagan temples and erecting Catholic Churches in their place. I saw that the pagan idols could be found within meters of where the Pope resides! Inside the walls of the Musei Vaticani, within the premises where you can find St. Peter's Basilica. Evidently, temples were destroyed but the sacred statues,replicas of the gods were kept and housed in the Vatican.

Blue Diamond, Blue Rose...

There are blue diamonds born to the world and given to those who only want glass crystals. There are blue roses born to the world yet given to those who only want daisies. Blue diamond, don't cry because they want glass crystals. Blue rose, don't bleed because they see only the daisies. You were formed in the bedroom of the gods, you were conceived in the garden of the eternal!

– C. JoyBell C.



I am like a diamond
Born to the earth
The years have covered me in
Grime and mud
Filth and stench
Dirt and dung
But now is today and
I will dance and dance
I will dance and dance
I will dance and dance
I will dance and watch the dirt fall off
I will dance and watch the mud crack
And drop
I will dance and all the filth and grime
Will fall away from me 
And I will see myself again
And so will you

Copyright 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved

I continue...

I continue to marvel at the reluctancy of people to look into the mirror and see all the darkness that's within them: all the deceit, the dishonesty, the insincerity, the lack, the need, the want, the lies...they would rather look upon the mural of themselves that they've painted on the wall, and stare at that inanimate portrait of beauty, all the while telling themselves that it is the mirror image of them! This is a falsity, this is unreal! It is only when you turn to the unveiled mirror and bravely face your light and your darkness at once, that you will be able to see the true image of you! How can you pull the thorns from your skin if you are too afraid to open your eyes and look at them? You must open your eyes first, look at the thorns where they are piercing your flesh, and only then can you pull them out!

– C. JoyBell C.

The strength...

The strength of a woman is not measured by the impact that all her hardships in life have had on her; but the strength of a woman is measured by the extent of her refusal to allow those hardships to dictate her and who she becomes.

– C. JoyBell C.

Penned Words

This is just a note, a passing thought. This isn't a planned blog entry and I don't know how it's going to turn out, my fingers are going at the keyboard just as my words bud in my thoughts. But I just want to pen these thoughts, I only want to say, that I am in love with reality. Sometimes I reckon that there may be those who think that I'm off into a different world, because of how I write, but I am in love with reality and I believe that reality is all we really need; if we could all just see into it further. In this reality that we have, held down to the earth by our gravity, we have the joy of laughter, we live in an invisible silk web of humanity: thoughts, emotions, memories, hopes, joys, fears, courage, growth, tears, strength... reality has far more to offer than what we give it credit for! We think that we want to go off into other worlds because reality is just too bland and too boring, but I say to you, to look deeper! The unspoken silence that lingers in between the short distance of two people who bear too much to express in words; within this distance alone thrives a world full of magic! You just have to feel it. Think about all those other "white spaces" in between people, time, memories and desires! The undeniable pull and tug of lust and love and adoration and longing and the desire to be redeemed; we have all the magic that we need, there is no need to look beyond and create anything more than what's already here for us. If only everyone could see what I see. Nobody would ever want to leave. Everybody would strive to live and to love. Everybody would see that our reality is better than anything else that we want to run away into.

So, I reside in reality. I reside in the erupting essence of eye contact, touch of the skin, malleability of the sunlight... this is all very real! It's not imagined. It is felt and it is perceived and it is believed in.

I would like for everybody to come back into reality and see it for what it is, then everybody would be so thankful to have been given this life, because this life, this reality, is magic.


Many gods...

I have met many gods, but there is only one God who does not demand from us a sacrifice, who instead gave the One He loves the most, as a sacrifice for us all! This God is the Alpha and Omega, they call Him Jehovah, Who was and Who is and Who is to come. He is who He is. Religion uses Him and Christians hate in His name; but the more I know this Father and His Son, the more I see that the religion I once knew has now become the scars that remind me of the chains that used to bind me and keep me far from Him. Because now I know Him through His grace, and not by any law.

– C. JoyBell C.

The Woman In The Sunlight

The Woman In The Sunlight

Today I watched a woman walk beneath the sun's rays
I watched her for a few seconds
The strands of hair on her head illuminated under the noontime sun like Swarovski under a bulb
The deep lines around her mouth introduced me to
Her former youth, her wedding day, the birth of her first child (and the second and the third)
The engraved creases in her dark olive skin told me a story of her many laughters, happy moments
I watched small shadows sneak their way underneath strands of her wind-rustled bangs
The evident lines on her forehead welcomed me into her home and
I heard her crying that day when he left her, I saw her sorrow the time she thought she was forgotten!
The wind blew sunlight over her face, pushing aside invisible curtains so I 
Could see herself emerge as she strode down the lane;
The woman's bone structure looked emulsified in determination and confidence
A face molded, sculpted by the hands of Memory and Venture
Sort of a satisfying sensation tingled over my skin
Ah, to smell all the scents of a beautiful soul exhaled to me in the wind!

Copyright 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

*I saw this woman just today, and then I wrote this. 

A Short Thought

People must find, abide, and thrive in, the absence of hypocrisy and self-righteousness in order to live life rawly as life should be lived. Life is to be lived rawly and one is never going to become raw as long as one holds onto hypocrisy and self-righteousness.

We fast relate hypocrisy and self-righteousness to religion and for good reason; but interestingly enough, we shouldn't be too fast to judge the religious! I have known atheists who judge the religious so severely that they themselves have become far more "religious" than the devout!

– C. JoyBell C.

On Two Things: Politics & Marriage

On Two Things: Politics & Marriage

The reason why politics fails, is because idealism fails. Politics fails the people, because people are given a set of ideals to believe in, by each politician. During a campaign people are told what to expect for the future, politicians tell the people what they are definitely going to do if they win, they tell people what's going to happen and what to expect and hope for. And so you see, the whole system of a campaign is contradictory to the nature of mankind. And it is immature. Because when we are immature, we wait for our ideals to materialize because we think they're real; when we are mature, we realize that our ideals aren't real because they haven't happened to us. What is happening to us right now is what we have, as a matter of fact! Faith is different from idealism. When you have faith, you have a desire and a hope in that desire as if it is already in front of you. But idealism deals with standards set by dogma. Dogma is unnatural, it is not developed according to the natural state of man, but it is developed according to the natural state of greed and fear. So ideals are developed with you thinking that those things are the best things for you, when they are in fact not.

We can begin to build our identity upon reality. Moreover, mankind doesn't really want to foresee the good things that are to happen, but it is the innate state of humanity that we want to be receivers of good things by chance, we want to be surprised! That's why marriage doesn't work out most of the time: because marriage is one big ancient ideal with a predestined ending– death!

The thing is, we can't plan the future, we can't lay out a map for our lives and expect all things to turn out as we planned for them to turn out! A presidential candidate can't do everything he promised to do, because there are a lot of things that are going to happen along the way that he didn't know were going to happen! And that's why politics fails and disappoints people. Politics hurts the hearts of people and political parties divide not only a nation but families and friends! Something that innately creates division as well as contradicts the natural state of mankind, can never be expected to unite anyone or anything. Therefore if you want to have a better government, you must elect someone based upon what he or she has already done, not based upon what their ideals are. What they've already done is the only thing that's already happened to them. Faith shouldn't be put in politicians, faith should be put in the divine, if you have faith in the visions you have for your country, that faith is the desire and the hope in it as if it is already there– but that faith is yours. You have that power. You can't put that faith in your politicians. You have got to look at what the candidates have already done.

If the nature of the political campaign is re-capsulated, as well as the nature of the marriage vows, then we can really create an earth-transforming amount of change eventually!  Why don't we start being real with marriage vows and just say it like it is? Marriage is a sanction of society created for order, justice, and security. It is created for the bigger picture of a nation, of a society as a whole, in order for that society and in order for that nation to be stronger. Marriage is a cornerstone, a foundation. You can love someone truly without marrying the person but you can also love someone truly and choose to marry and together become one of the cornerstones of your nation, your society, the world! Love is a devoted madness while marriage is a responsibility. But then it is possible to be devotedly mad and responsible at the same time, yes it is. And so this is how we should begin to see marriage: as it is, for what it is! Marriage needs to cease being an eternal ideal with the predestined ending of death! We must allow it to be and to appear as what it is! Perhaps if we approach marriage with eyes open to the reality of the nature of it, we will stop failing at it! We fail at it because we think of it as something it is not! We are romanced by an ideal that is not in touch with reality and that's why when we begin to discover the reality of it, we see ourselves as failures! It is a wild and blessed thing to want to spend the rest of your adult life with one person, growing and changing together, while stepping deeper into the depths of love; notwithstanding, we must understand that we may not get it "right" the first time. A divorce doesn't mean a failure; a divorce just means that you have discovered you cannot spend the rest of your life with that person you once thought you could spend the rest of your life with. But failure– failure is the shattering of a beautiful dream, the ruining of beliefs and hopes, the looking into the mirror and seeing yourself and your spouse as "errors"– this is an evil. That is the failure. Love is greater than marriage, love is the greater thing while marriage, though noble and honorable, is questionable in its origins. I question the creations of man, I do not question the masterpieces of God. Love is the greatest force that was ever known, is known, and that will ever be known; while marriage is a need of society. Society needs marriage in order for everything else to work. There is nothing wrong with the act of getting married, and I do see it as a wild, flaming, and attainable thing for all of mankind to desire finding the one to spend the rest of life with and then fulfilling that desire. And I believe that what is Caesar's should be given to Caesar. Marriage is something worth respecting and honoring. But I only ask that it be approached with eyes unveiled! I only ask that it be presented as what it is! For the great good of the hearts of mankind! Likewise, government is needful. Give unto Caesar what belongs to Caesar. But I ask that politics be made mature and that the nature of the political campaign be re-invented so that the people can see what already is and not be taught to place their hope in a set of ideals and promises that may not ever take place in reality.

Copyright 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved

My Take On Profanity

Some people are easily offended by profanity. Profanity is the use of "bad words." Words that are considered "bad" in your language or culture. Profanity makes me laugh out loud. I am being serious and honest with you, when I say that profanity spoken for non-hateful reasons makes me laugh! Now, these are words that certain groups of people in some societies or denominations find very offensive, they feel that they need to take a shower and wash their hands five times with antibacterial detergent if they hear anyone say them and they feel the need to gargle their mouths with antibacterial mouthwash and then scrub their tongues with hand soap if they ever accidentally say any of those words. They're usually Republicans. Or Puritans. People who are easily offended by the world. By a funny twist as fate may have it, most (not all, just most) people I'm related to are Puritans and Republicans. And many (not all but many) of my childhood friends go to confessionals to tell Priests of their sins. So the fact that bad words make me laugh, is reason enough in itself for the people closest to me in name and in geography, to believe that I am on my way to hell. hahahahahhhha. Even this I find funny. I can imagine they pray for me. In fact, I am sure that they do! So this is about my take on profanity. I don't feel the need to explain my humorous understanding of profane language, and I would find it very amusing if everyone continued to pray for my soul meanwhile I dance barefoot and drunk ringing in the New Year, but I think that it's time for me to write about it. You will find this to be food for thought.

In this world, there is true evil. We see bombs exploding, we see people getting hurt. We hear of famines, we watch people starving to death. We watch love wax cold in the world and humans suffering from natural calamities and man-made ones on Wall Street. There is pretension, there is hypocrisy, there is hunger. There is insecurity. There is real reason to be offended. There is real reason to feel like people and things are hell-bound. There is real reason enough to feel like we need to take showers and gargle with antibacterial agents to cleanse ourselves! The true nature of evil is evident in deceit, in manipulation, in fear, in envy, in hate, in judgement inspired by dogma. How is it that we still find the time to be offended by the word fuck? By the word bitch? By the word shit? These are all just words! As long as they are not being used to hurt another person, they are just words! Just as your shoe is just your shoe until you use your shoe to hit someone in the face with! If you are going to spend time being offended by so many things in this world that shouldn't offend you, you're going to stress yourself out and die sooner than you ought to! If there is anything that you find funny, allow it to make you laugh! There are too many things in this world that are truly offensive, that can truly devastate! If man goes to hell for saying the word fuck, then I don't believe in hell! And is Heaven the home of the easily offended? Is that really what the difference between good and evil is all about? And who is more offensive, really? Is it he who says the word "fuck" or is it he who judges another as if he is God?

Too many people are blinded, too many people are easily offended, too many people are victims of the world and of life and if the phrase "what the fuck" makes me laugh, I am going to laugh at it, dammit! I will, I will, and I will! I am not going to spend any amount of time bending myself over little things, trying to take an offense in them! If you all want to grow old fast and die soon, you may do as you wish! I will not join you! I am going to open myself up to all that is superior in the world and beyond and I am going to spend time trying to take delight in things! Not finding ruin in them! If the ruin of you is what you look for, the ruin of you is what you are going to find!

People create sins out of nothing and in doing so have enslaved their fellow man! Man is not bound by sin but man is bound by the idea that almost everything he is doing is a sin!

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