Skin Deep

Skin Deep
(February 28, 2012)

Is skin deep really "just" skin deep? Or should we be saying "Yes, it is skin deep!" with our chins up firm and proud? Not "Oh it's only skin deep" with our heads bowed as if we are something embarrassing! Why is skin deep just skin deep, when our skin is what binds together our heart and mind and soul? Our skin is our vehicle on this journey we call life, our skin is our home on this planet we inhabit called earth, our skin is what allows us to interact with other people, to feel things like tenderness and pain, softness and roughness, warmth and cold, pleasure and ecstasy! Without our skin, we would not be able to fulfill our destinies on this journey of life! Without the things that are skin deep, we would be dead– unable to interact with the world, unable to learn, to grow, to experience, to walk on the path of destiny! So if beauty is skin deep, is this less of a thing? Why is it not called vanity when they choose to shun that which makes us human, because they think it is not "deep" enough, it is not "worthy" enough? Isn't this the true vanity? Didn't Satan want to become greater than God? He wanted to become God, not man! Where is the vanity in embracing what makes man; man? What is vain in fully becoming a vessel divine? Is it less than divine to recognize one's destiny? One's humanity? Or is it less divine to shun the nature of what it means to live on this earth, thinking that it is not good enough?

People die, because they don't look at their bodies as something worthy enough. They see their bodies as something less worthy of God, when it is God who molded the flesh with His own hands! And so they allow their bodies to fall and fail, thinking this purifies their souls! They don't want to care about what their bodies look like on the outside, because they have little respect for the natural physical attraction between humans, in pursuit of something "higher." I tell you, you must not rip apart a person by dividing body and soul, you are a soul, it is your honor to redeem your body, to never neglect it! To ravish in it and allow it to ravish in all good things!

There is a culture that permeates many places on earth, and that is the culture of materialism, and the body of people who live with such a culture have developed "white blood cells" to fight this invader. The "white blood cells" tell people they are "shallow" they are "vain" and though the mission is correct, the execution is wrong. Materialism has birthed minds that grow into an existence unaware of the nature of the soul, of the essence of the spirit; and raises up a nation of people that have no connection with their own hearts. This is a blindness, this is not a vanity. And blindness cannot be treated by misguided virtue. It's only an awakening that will lead the blind to sight.

People must not be led to death in their quest for true life. Right now, people fall into the way of death and depravity, because of their quest for a higher form of existence.

It's a curious and funny thing when people say "The inside of a person is what matters, because outer beauty will fade, but it's the character and personality of a person that will never change." I laugh. In my experience, I have seen a person remain with the same face for a very long time but change in character many times! Not just one person, many people! All people change their character! In fact, people are never the same person for forever, and if there is such a person on earth, that person is a very rare artifact indeed! And quite boring I would imagine! I have had a friend today become an enemy tomorrow! I have never had a beautiful friend today become an old hag tomorrow! All people change on the inside, you just never know what they might become next!

Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

I Wish To Remain Vain

I was taught that I would be better off desiring joy instead of happiness because joy is divine while happiness is vain. On this plight, I gave up many a chance to be simply happy, as I waited for the more worthy of the two; joy. But then I grew into my own and now I know that it is vain to think oneself too good for earthly things and only accept what is of higher origins. There is no vanity in allowing yourself to become happy, because though happiness is fleeting, it can be found every single day and in all the smallest and most unexpected ways! So now I allow myself to be happy, little insignificant things make me laugh, make my soul fly! If this is vanity, then I am vain and I wish to remain vain! But surely, this is something so divine.

– C. JoyBell C.

Being A Woman And Growing Up A Girl

It's definitely difficult being a woman and growing up a girl. When you're graceful, people say you lack personality; when you're serene, people say you're boring; when you're confident, people say you're arrogant; when you're feminine, people say you're too girly; and when you climb trees, people say you're too much of a tomboy! As a woman, you really need to develop a very strong sense of self and the earlier you can do that, the better! You have to be all the things that you are, without allowing other people's ignorance change you! I realized that they don't know what grace is, they can't identify serenity, they have inferiority complexes, they are incapable of being feminine, and they don't know how to climb trees!

– C. JoyBell C.

On The Whole Hollywood Thing

The Hollywood culture (and all of its diminutives around the globe) are a sort-of disease in the hearts of men and women.

The quickest way to rub scum onto your mind is to tune in to "celebrity gossip" channels, and that's not because movie stars and other forms of celebrities are bad people, it's not because they're scum and trash and not-as-good-as-the-rest-of-mankind; but the trash that pollutes your mind comes from the fact that you are watching the personal lives and the characters of people being exploited, twisted, manipulated, bargained-for, assassinated, stepped-on, sold, and lied about. It is the same thing as sitting in the Colosseum of ancient Rome and watching the lions tear apart human beings limb from limb, we think that modern day society has evolved into something better, but actually the modern day society is what has always been, yet packaged differently. The only thing that's changed is the packaging, the formula is similar. Almost identical. Yes, the Roman Emperor fed people to the lions for not only his own pleasure but also for the pleasure of his court and I am not even sure if he made any money off it! Today, it is networks, showbiz companies, t.v. stations, producers, agents, etc. that are throwing human flesh out there for the rest of us to devour, making them a whole lot of money in the process, and it is this process that is communicated to us subtly through our senses and makes us feel corrupted. I feel corrupted when I watch TMZ. I feel corrupted when I watch Entertainment Tonight. I'm the one who feels defiled. Think of it for a moment, if you were in the Colosseum watching human flesh being torn apart in front of you, wouldn't you feel corrupted? Wouldn't you take a long hard look at your humanity and say "I feel vile." It's not the people down there in the ring that are the cause of this, but it's the place that you have put yourself into, it's the state of existence, the area in which you are making yourself a part of. It has been introduced to you, and you are there being defiled by it.

I don't care much about the whole thing. I don't want to know who is sleeping with who and I don't want to know why Penthouse is better than Playboy. I'm not interested in celebrities apart from the roles that they play in the movies that I enjoy watching. I'm not interested in celebrities apart from the songs that they sing which I love to listen to. A minor amount of interest? Yes, because these people are human beings and I have an interest in the human being. But, you know, I don't care. I don't care, because these people don't care about me! I want to care about those who care about me! Those who can affect my life! I'm interested in what my aunt is doing for the weekend, I'm not interested in what a movie star has for breakfast! Why should I be more interested in what a celebrity has eaten for breakfast, than what a family member is doing for the weekend? Why do people choose to give devotion to those who don't play any role in their lives whatsoever? Who don't even know they exist!

Of course, there are definitely individuals who shine very brightly and affect our lives through the influence that they wield whether it be through their words, their manner of dress, the roles they have played, the talent that they possess, etc. We cherish these people. There are products of Hollywood that I cherish, as well. People like Elizabeth Taylor and Leslie Caron. Grace Kelly. But that is a whole entirely different state of mind; it is opposed to the "trade of human flesh and emotions." To admire is a positive thing, to love and to cherish, to adore. But that is not what is cultivated in the mainstream fanfare of Hollywood and its copycats.

The true tragedy occurs when the people in the ring waiting for the lions to emerge from the dens and devour them are actually thinking "Wow, I'm so famous! This is it! I'm worth something now!" and its when that happens, that you can be sure there is something not very right going on! This is why you see such a struggle! It is a struggle between the delusively deceived mind and the soul that knows being in that ring is somewhere it doesn't want to be!


A White Rose For Valentine's Day

My son came home from school yesterday (Valentine's Day) and, with an outstretched arm, handed me a long-stemmed white rose. There were two ribbons tied around the stem, a red ribbon and a violet ribbon. The rose hung it's head and looked worn and torn after a long day in his backpack at school. Honestly surprised, I hugged him and thanked him, I told him that I love him and I asked him to tell me all about the rose. He told me how the student council was selling roses for Valentine's Day, so he bought one and garnished its stem with the two ribbons used to wrap some chocolates that he bought at school. "Did you buy other roses to give to girls at school that you like?" I asked him. "No, I only had enough money to buy one rose, so I had to make up my mind who to give it to."

I can say no more.

I love my son so very dearly.

Next Valentine's Day, I'll make sure he has more money with him, so he can also give roses to any girls/girl that he likes.

Naming Your Protagonists (and other characters)

You should feel free to change the name of your protagonist while writing a story. You should feel free to change anyone's name, in your story! Sometimes you name a character and as the story progresses you realize that the name doesn't belong to the person, but belongs to someone else (or is too closely associated with your own name- or too closely associated with you for some other reason- for you to feel confident that you can write out the story without too much attachment to the character), and it's just fine to change the name. I think that we should ALL feel free to change our names when we wish to! Afterall, we didn't pick our names out for ourselves, now did we? And everything else in life relies on our own choices, our own decisions, we never die the same person that we were born as! So we should all be able to name ourselves as we like to! Sobeit with the characters in the stories that we write!

I believe in maintaining a healthy detachment from one's protagonists (main characters in written stories). You don't want to fall into the character too much but you also don't want to fall out of the character too much. You want to be so much a part of the character that you can feel the way he/she breathes, but in that very same heartbeat you want to be able to immediately detach yourself at any given time and say "That's her, this is me" or "That's him, this is me." The easiest way to do that is to use names not too closely associated with yourself but at the same time ones that are meaningful enough to mean something!


Men And My Novella

Upon the completion of my novella, right away I realized that my book would be more appreciated by men rather than women. And I'm not very sure right now if that's a fact, but so far men have many good things to say about my novella. See, in my novella one can't find any confessions of everlasting love à la the Twilight Saga's Edward and Jacob. Nobody's dying at anyone's feet and promising eternal devotion. In fact, I don't even say "dating" or "in a relationship" or "boyfriend" or "she fell in love with him" or "he fell in love with her." My own editor (who was a woman) asked me after reading my manuscript "What is the relationship between Pierre-Auguste and Lucy?" Because in my story, I use the written word to express the process of love, to convey the process of passion. And in real life, more often than not, words so divine usually go unheard and unspoken! Rather, we pick up these things through body language, through our vision, through our senses, and that makes these things, these experiences, more real! More true! It's ironic that I use words to show that words are just words and it's something else that is more genuine. But that's what I did. And my protagonist, my heroine Lucy, she's not the girl who waits for the guys to profess their unwavering and unfaltering desires for her! No, she goes about things on her own terms! And I don't think she'd like it any other way! And so, to wrap this up, what I'm saying is that women more often than men, want to hear the words "you are my girlfriend", "I will love you unto the ends of the earth", "I will never leave you", while men really don't want to put a period at the end of the sentence. Men want to go through the process of experiencing something without it necessarily having to fall into a criteria. And Lucy didn't need things to fall into a criteria for her, she wanted what it was! And what it was, was real! So, I think that *generally, my novella doesn't satisfy the fantasies of women, but it's realistic, and my characters live by their own terms. And I think men are created in a way to find that intriguing, interesting, and a journey that's unforgettable.


‎*I say generally, because there are women who also genuinely appreciate my novella, Saint Paul Trois Châteaux:1948.


(February 1, 2012)

Behold the waterfall!
She springs forth!
Budding and sprouting
Like a deep spring of eternal waters
Breaking free to the surface of the earth
For the first time.
Fervently, Serenely, Calmly
Unstoppable, Fresh, Vibrant
The water breaks and buds forth
And falls from the crown of this cliff

Long stemmed roses of all colors
Burst forward in ferocious beauty and gentleness!
They merge together in torrents,
Long thornless stems crowned with brilliantly colored petals!
Cascading as they do this fall, this downward dance
Down the drop, intertwined in the water;
A loose braid of aqua and long-stemmed roses
Erupting and dropping together.
Imagination is void of the natural occurrence of this
Unnatural, Unlikely

Look again now!
The water has evaporated!
And left are the roses piled up like boulders!
In the parched stream that has run dry, lie piles of thornless roses!
What is the meaning of this?
Unfading, everlasting roses on a thirsty ground?
Is the meaning of this I see
A frightful one?
This unnatural occurrence, this otherworldly reality
What is the meaning?

This is grace

Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

The Differents 2

The Differents 2
(September 12, 2010)

Come with me on the flight
Of ten thousand seagulls, lets
Divide us among them and
Cascade on their wings
In the place where I come from
Far away from here
I used to sit and fly and float
Come with me and I could
Show you where ten thousand
Seagulls roam
They carry our souls to
Wherever we want to go!
And would you still come with me
To the place where it hurts, where
Their tears roll over our skin and
We feel all that is not our own
But is theirs
It becomes ours
To the place of sharing and
Would you stay to watch me
Dance inside their souls
And they dance into mine?
Would you stay if
You had to hear every thought
You had to see every pain
You had to feel every whisper
You would be always different
You say that I’m different but
Do you really know how different?

Copyright 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

The Differents

The Differents
(September 12, 2010)

The photographs lined his wall
A woman
A beautiful smile
Captures of joy
Trappings of love
He walked out and I said
“you still love her”
Pain stung the air and
I wish I hadn’t said it
He looked down
To the ground
I didn’t even know him
Not even his name

I touched her shoulder and
I watched her eyes dilate
Her fears run away
Peace overcame her
She didn’t even know me
Not even my name

I felt that tear fall
Falling rolling on my skin
But it’s not my own
It fell
A thousand miles away
It’s not mine
But it falls on my skin

I looked into his eyes
I recognized him
From a different time
I welcomed his soul
His soul walked into mine

I’m glowing
They all say I’m glowing

I needed sunlight and
The sunlight came into place

In agony I lifted my face
To the Heavens and
Clouds of gray were born

I was sitting on the sidewalk when
He came up to me and said
“you are different, very different”
He didn’t even know me

If he only knew how different

Copyright 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

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