A Random Excerpt

She does not remorse the dissolving of her marriage; because it is through this process of crumbling that she found a friend. Before they wed, they were never really friends, and while they were married, they never really became friends, but after they decided that their destinies were no longer connected; they did become friends, through this process of coming apart, they came together in a way that was probably meant to be from the very beginning. It was meant to be a great friendship, not a great love nor a great lust, but a great friendship. So what is there to remorse and to mourn, in that? In the divergence of two roads that are each leading to individual destinies, while also revealing the original destiny to begin with? And in the gaining of a friend? There is no remorse in that. The marriage had to be removed, to reveal the friendship.

- Excerpt from unpublished story (untitled)
Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

An Attempt To Explain Something...

An Attempt To Explain Something

I will attempt to explain the lack of ability in people to support one another. Perhaps you come from a very supportive family, and are surrounded by a very supportive and loving circle of friends. But if you are not that fortunate, you will know what it feels like to never receive support from the people who claim to love you, not on any of your endeavors and not for any of your achievements, journeys, successes. I am going to explain the lack of this basic ability, in humans (some humans).

In his or her natural state, a person is eager, feels eager to support the victories and achievements, the goals and odysseys, of their fellow family member or friend; when a loved one achieves a dream, this is a cause for celebration but when a loved one falls, this is a cause for agony and they fall right along with their friend or family member. But there is an unnatural state of man, which unfortunately is more common, and it is the opposite of that!

It is all too common for family to be unsupportive and even ignore each others' achievements; each person wanting to be the more successful one, the brighter one, the more wonderful one, the more desired one, the more beautiful one, the greater one...nobody wants to look at the other and say "You're more beautiful than I am" or "You are more successful than I am" or "I support you, I am happy for all your endeavors and achievements and every dream of yours that has come true!" People don't want to say that, because they want to be the ones to have that, they want to be the ones to be in that position! People are not going to praise or support anybody whom they believe is more beautiful than they are, or whom they believe is more talented or more capable or more admirable; because they want to be that person! It is a waxing cold of the natural state of love. Instead of recognizing that the family unit is a unit and if one falls, that is the fall of all, when one rises, it is the celebration of all; people are beginning to see the family unit as a realm of competition and self-gain. And this is the downfall of mankind! They push each other out of the boat because they want to be the only one in it, and in the end, the boat will be empty, afloat, adrift, abandoned: a forgotten thing!

I have seen that the ability to support, celebrate, praise, compliment, encourage, and nourish, come only from those who are themselves happy! Only a truly happy person who believes in him/herself, is able to praise another, to uplift another, to nourish another, to celebrate another!

As for me, I have always been the nourishing type, the uplifting type, the person who will support a loved one to all lengths, even throughout my lowest days, my weakest hours, my most downtrodden circumstances. And so I am able to give and to support not only from my own happiness, but even through my weakness. I have the ability to go beyond. And I have seen others who have the same ability, who have impressed me!

But this is my explanation of the lack of the ability to support and to cherish, to help and to nourish, that I have found in many people: that they themselves lack a full sense of happiness and self-worth, and they feel in their innermost selves, that if they take any of anything within themselves that is capable of celebrating, that is capable of nourishing, that is capable of praising; they will wither up completely and will be left with nothing for themselves! This goes beyond a selfishness and into territories of envy, it goes beyond selfishness and into the realm of unawareness! Do they not know, that a joy planted in another, is a joy reaped for all? Do you not know, that a helping hand stretched out to the one you love, is a helping hand that you yourself will one day need stretched out for you?

People are like candles; some are small candles with small flames that light up the vision, while others are glorious Roman candles that burn ablaze like a wildfire and light up the Heavens. When your flame is small, your wax melts slowly; when your flame is great, your wax melts profusely! So there is no small candle that should have the audacity to say to the Roman candle "I will not lend you my flame, because you already burn so bright, I will keep all of my flame to myself, because you have so much more than I" and "If only I could put your flame out, everyone would see me, not you! I would be the one burning brightly into the Heavens, not you!" because a great flame can light up a small wick, but a small wick cannot put out a great fire. And a small candle must not desire to endure the flame of the glorious Roman candle, because if so, it's wax would melt into a liquid puddle on the table, within nothing but a moment!

Small candles, do not judge the grand candles that endure the heat of their own flames!

Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

Honey, I'm No Fool!

"Oh I'm not about to give without getting. Well of course you want me to 'give without expecting anything in return'! That would make things sweet for you, eh? Half of the world wants the other half to listen to doctrine and 'give without expecting anything in return' so they can sit there and take everything without having to give anything! And all they have to do is tell that other half 'Oh you're so Christian-like!' and the poor blind souls would leap out into the street in front of a speeding bus, again, for them! Now, why should I give without getting? I'm not selfless! And if that's not Christian-like, well I didn't say I was Christian-like anyway! Why don't you go and try to be Christian-like the way you want everybody else to be, and let's see if you'll be happy! But you wouldn't do that, would you? You wouldn't do that, because you're too smart for that! Did you think I wasn't any smarter than you? Well I'm not selfless and I'm not going to give without getting, you go first! And then I'll see if I believe you! Why should I go first, honey,  I'm no fool!"

– Calla (protagonist in my unpublished novel Honey, I'm No Fool!)

Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

From Dust to Dust, Ashes to Ashes...

One time, in Florence in Italy, I saw a supermodel. Now, it just so happens that I seem to often be in the same venue as models and run in to them a lot (none of them are kind to me in any way whatsoever) but they're usually just models, this one time in Florence I am certain I was looking at a supermodel. The woman was extremely tall, dressed in equally extremely expensive couture from head to toe, she had a beautiful face and fine makeup on that face. But though she was cradled in refinement and clothed in expensive couture, there was a sick aroma of depression that emanated from her. She reeked so much of this foul "smell," that from across the street on the other side, she caught my attention! It was like a carcass. A rotting carcass. As I watched her walking on the other side of the street, it was as if I was being stabbed in the heart! This woman's legs were as small as my arms! Her arms as small as my fingers! Her fingers as small as the strands of hair on my head (and the strands of hair on my head are not individually thick). She was so malnourished, and that malnutrition of her body screamed out for attention, was screaming out to be seen and heard and attended to! I could feel the cells in her body, her tissues, bone and marrow, and ligaments– they were calling out from the brink of despair and death!  I could feel that. And yet, this woman woke up every day, looked in the mirror (I suppose) and clothed herself in designer apparel and attended designers' parties and walked the catwalk and lived life as if nothing was wrong! I wanted to literally run to the other side of the street and tell her to please, please, eat something. But in a split second, I didn't want to go near her because she reeked so much of that despair and depression, and it almost clung to me!

The woman in Florence was clearly someone who was purposely staying that thin for a reason, that reason being her profession as a supermodel. She obviously wasn't impoverished, yet along with her she brought the ten thousand dark and dreary clouds of poverty and destitution. Right now there is a famine going on in Africa, and even without this famine going on right now, there are always malnourished children drying up and dying in Africa like shriveled things on the streets. They dry up and die, because they have no money, they have no food; this is malnutrition! 

Yesterday I saw a photo of a supermodel which took me back to that moment on the streets of Florence, Italy. And that photo made me realize, that though I only saw one supermodel like that in person, she is not alone; she has many friends! Women like her are many! And it doesn't stop with just her and her friends, but it goes on and on with all the women in the world who look at their pictures and billboards and t.v. ads and fashion shows and want to be like them! I hereby conclude, that in the West, malnutrition is a state of mind rather than a physical state; malnutrition is happening in the minds of Western women, and I think it is an equally devastating state! Because how devastating is it, to have the money to buy food, to have the status and be in the position to eat whatever you want and enjoy life to the fullest; yet to continually deny your body all of that! The fashion industry is a religion; it demands the denial of one's physical body for the favor of "professionalism"(good modeling skills, good work ethics, the cultivation of personality, etc.) so what is the difference? Religious people are so quick to judge supermodels, calling them self-inflicted anorexics, shallow and vain! But what is the difference, really? The separation of flesh and spirit, the denial of flesh for what is inside! I tell you now! Supermodels are not shallow and vain! Supermodels are less vain than you are! They deny their flesh, every day! They put their bodies in palaces surrounded and emulsified in all the best food, luxury, and opportunity, and they let their bodies suffer, they let their bodies agonize and drool and they deny their bodies completely. This is not a vanity. This is a malnutrition of the mind! The fashion industry is a dark religion that acknowledges no one divine entity, but performs this "editing of the mind" in the name of beauty. I tell you right now, this is not beauty. Yes, they may perhaps find some beautiful women (not all of them are beautiful, but some are) but they then "edit" these women into something that is no longer beautiful! Into something that is every day on the brink of falling down to the ground and returning to the dust. From dust to dust, ashes to ashes...

One could argue "What if they are just that way? What if they are just skinny like that?" Even people who are "naturally" like that, have an underlying bug in the back of their heads; there is a reason why, and that reason can always be medicated. And there is always a fine line in the sand between skinny and malnourished. Malnutrition is malnutrition. And let us not fool ourselves! We all know what the industry demands, and then promises in return! In exchange for all that is promised to a supermodel (hot guys, a gigantic paycheck, fame and fortune, happiness...) do you think that women aren't going to starve themselves to death, to get that? Let's not be foolish and act like we don't know human nature. And let's not say "It's a natural body type" so we can then have an excuse for "becoming" that "natural" body type!

So I want to end on this note: That women should be as wary of the ways of the fashion industry, as they are of strange and frightening cults. Yes, let us appreciate fashion, yes let us wear beautiful clothing, yes let us appreciate beauty; but no, let us not be controlled or dictated by this state of mind that can so easily penetrate the female brain! Every time you strive to malnourish yourself, you are mocking the people dying and starving of famine in Africa! Just think what they would say if they found out about supermodels!


The Coming Of The Water Lilies

The Coming Of The Water Lilies

White water lilies
They float on an
Aquamarine sky
Casting reflections upon my eyes
Like the mirror image of leaves
Swaying and drifting over lakes
In the Amber Autumn

These reflections softly float above me
Like answers to my questions
Like guardians of my soul
And I wait for
The coming of the water lilies

Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

If you would like to own a beautiful gallery wrapped canvas with this poem on it, just click here!

A Beautiful Story of Love

The story of Jesus is a very beautiful one. It is the story of the God of all gods who had a change of heart towards mankind and it's during this change of heart that He decided He would change the way things were, for the better, once and for all. Knowing that only the blood of the most powerful God could save mankind from unworthiness and judgment, He sent His Son into the world for the human race in an effort to show He would sacrifice His own Son if it meant the eternal pardon of mankind from unworthiness and judgment, and on His Son's flesh and bone, were embedded all the pitfalls and downfalls of mankind. By His Son's blood, all sin was dismissed, for all time. The veil separating God from man was torn and from that day on, mankind has never been unworthy! The price was paid and the ultimate sacrifice was made. The only part that humanity had to take in this grand plan, was to only believe that it all happened, and why.

And so you see, it is the most beautiful story of love between God and man, unbeatable by all Greek, Celtic, Nordic myths and legends. After all, this God is the Alpha and Omega, the God of all other gods, it's only natural that His story for mankind be a much greater one.


Letters From A Goddess

They don't give me gifts, and they don't express with words to me, because they believe I am too good for all that. They see me as a higher form of woman, one who does not want to be lavished by gifts and with devotion and promises of the moon...I don't know if they think I am an intellectual (which I am not) because they laugh and touch other women but in my presence their eyes glisten and their hands tremble oh-so-slightly, they seem to fumble with their feet and lose all confidence. Do you think that they believe none of their gifts would be good enough anyway? None of their promises would be believed? And their devotion forsaken? But I do... I do want to have many gifts, I want acts of devotion, I want to be promised the moon even if I know I already hold it in my hands... these women of the world, they don't know what they have, they think they want to be goddesses, they think they want men to tremble in their presence, they think that they want to never be lied to and always see the truth; but that's not really what they want. That is what I have, but that's not what I look for.

~ excerpt from unpublished novel by C. JoyBell C.

Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

How is it possible...

How is it possible to say, that I am set out on a journey of purity and sanctity? When I have been put inside of flesh and bone? So is ours a God who puts what is holy into what is unholy, and then charges us with an obligation to fight that which is been given to us? So is ours a God who puts a bird of paradise into a cage, telling it that it must prove itself worthy in flight from the confines of the cage? I know of no such God. But I am on a journey of fulfillment and I have been given flesh and bone to accomplish it. Sanctity and purity are found inside of me, in my immortal soul, but this journey of the flesh is every bit as worthy as what I am inside, and if it were not so, then why am I here! There is no reason to think that we are impoverished before God, He is the one who made this flesh and bone!

~ C. JoyBell C.

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