Winter Bloom

As I've already said in my post below this one, I have been spending much time unearthing hidden things lately (stuff left in boxes gathering dust over the years). Just awhile ago I was compelled to share something I wrote a long time ago, and just now I've found another something of mine! I gave it the title "Winter Bloom" and this was written four years ago! It sounds ever-so-slightly childish to me (because I've grown so much since then) but I think it's worth sharing:

Winter Bloom

She's a single winter bloom. A single bloom in the winter. The only thing of color. A single precious life blossoming in the cold, cold snow. And all around her its lifeless. Lifeless and cold. But all her colors against the stark, white snow seem to make it all better. Seem to make the harsh winter okay.

Sometimes when I touch her, she's frozen. Her petals are frosted and icy to the core. Her stem suspended into a life-like etch against the background snow. And her leaves... her leaves become as brittle as the things around her. But still, still she is rooted and still she alone makes the picture so lovely. She never looses her color.

When the sun comes out, it shines for her. Warms her until her heart beats again. Sunbeams tilt her head up towards the warm sky. And the sun shines for her. Just for her.

Sometimes I feel
like a winter bloom.
A scarlet rose 
in the dead of winter.

Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

Unearthed Things

I have recently been unearthing many old things accumulated over the many years: love letters, greeting cards, notes jotted down in notebooks, writings, etc. Today, I've uncovered a writing of mine that I feel compelled to share with you all! I'm very surprised, because this was written by me many years ago, and I didn't realize, I wasn't aware of the fact, that many years ago I had already begun to write such things! I know that I have been vocal about these things (religion and God and atheism) recently, but I haven't been aware of the fact that my discovery and my writings on these topics began long ago! Here is what I wrote (a small snippet):

"Alas! But before the church existed, God existed! Before they told you who Christ is, Christ was there. I speak of a greater reality than any church! Than the existence of any church! I speak of the reality of God Himself."

"Could there be the belief in God, without the existence of the church?"

"Man has always believed in God! The church has come, and now we have atheists; those who believe that they think there is no God, because they seek the true God. The one undefined by any church! The one untarnished and Holy! Not the one defiled by man's attempts to recreate holiness!"

"Who is God for, then?"

"God is for everyone! No one has the power to turn any man away from God! And that is what religion does! It turns man away from God!"


The Two Very Different Blankets!

I often talk about how big a deal culture is when it comes to human interactions. People are quick to dismiss this fact, they shrug their shoulders and say "Oh we're all human and our souls have only one culture so it doesn't really matter, I don't see culture I only see hearts." Very nice words to hear, but very unrealistic. When put into a situation where those very same people need to adjust to people of different mind sets and means of expression, suddenly those very nice words don't have much muscle! That's because, the truth is, we are all affected by our cultures and by the cultures we've been exposed to. We judge people and write them off as being like this and as being like that, when in fact all those "like this's" and "like that's" are cultural differences! Of course, this isn't applicable to every single difference between people, but the greater percentage? Most certainly so.

I have had the vantage point in life, since I was a child, to be immersed first-hand in different cultures. I truly know what the word "adjust" means and I truly know what things begin to look like when people resist compromise and the willingness to understand each other. It can literally break families apart. Right now, I am always the one who steps up in between people in the family and says "Wait a minute, don't say that about her, because this is what her culture is like..." and I explain things. Or I'm the one saying "Wait a minute, it doesn't necessarily mean that, it most probably means this because this is what his culture is like..." and I explain the cultural differences. It's like walking on ice. And I can walk on ice.

To make things easier for people to understand, I like to divide the cultures of the world into two major groups. Of course I know that each and every culture has it's own colors and tunes, but there are two big blankets that cover, that overlay, and it's easier when we look at all people as laying underneath either one of these blankets. This is how I like to show it: one blanket is covered in vibrant, raw colors! Exuberant and flawlessly animated and free! The other blanket is a blanket made of subdued colors! Understated, mute, reserved. I'd like to say that I could roll underneath either blanket and feel comfortable, but to believe that would be naive of me! I can move around well underneath either blanket, but I prefer to sleep under only one. I think that no matter how well you are able to move around underneath these two blankets, you are going to prefer to sleep under just one.

We have very raw and vibrant, expressive and free, uninhibited peoples, such as the Greeks, the Italians, the South Americans, and etc. And there are the very reserved peoples: the French, the Northern Europeans, and various social communities in the United States, the Chinese, and etc. In the Orient, you'll find the most reserved culture is the Chinese culture, with the French culture being the most reserved culture on the European continent (in my opinion and view of things). You may argue that you'll find very understated people in countries like Norway, but the thing about Norwegians for example, is that though they are reserved as a people; once you do make that connection and are able to go beyond that wall, you've found a truly warm, truly giving, truly understanding friend for life! And that's different from lets say, the French, who can be very giving and warm initially, if they so choose to, but then you eventually do hit that wall you aren't allowed to go beyond. So it is the positioning of that wall which makes all the difference! As with the Germans; you hit the wall first, but going beyond that wall you find a friend for life! The Chinese culture is very interesting, as there is absolutely no room for mistakes, there is a wall in the beginning, in the middle, and in the end, and there are so many polite traditions (like the French politeness and traditions), that it's rather difficult to determine if the person is being genuinely loving and accepting, or if that same person is just "performing" what is socially acceptable and expected of him/her! Now, people will always say that the French are snobs, but I strongly disagree. The French are not snobs. When I am in France, I am honestly the biggest snob in France, so it is impossible to believe that the French are snobs! Au contraire, the French can be very warm, kind, extremely, extremely polite people! But then! They have this fear of going deeper! It is a fear that suddenly grips them and shakes them and they simply can't move! And it is a jealousy, as well! It's not a snobbery, it is a jealousy. If you make a French friend, don't be surprised if this French friend denounces you as their friend if you attempt to make a friendship with any one of their other friends! And vice versa! To the French, one's friend belongs to one alone! And to introduce a friend to another friend is like giving away what is yours, it is a heresy, a blasphemy! And so you can just imagine for yourself what kind of a society occurs when people don't want to be friends with other people's friends, when people say "this person is mine." In other parts of the world, we go to parties to socialize with other people's friends and make friends out of those people, but not in France! This is not their reason to go to parties! So, as you can see, this is a jealousy, they cannot take to see a human warmth emanating between people that they want to be their own. So, the root of it all is not a snobbery. I am a snob. The French? The French are not snobs, the French are a jealous people. Jealous and reserved.

When we look unto cultures like that of Greece, where friends literally feed each other food with their own fingers: sticking that food into their friends' mouthes; we are looking at an almost completely different species! There are none of those walls, none of those inhibitions (physically and emotionally), you can meet a Greek person today and in this same day be that person's friend for life, and then go home with that friend and meet his/her family and friends and all of their family and friends are now your family and friends! And this is the kind of flow you will find in the Italian culture, where people really are not going to spend time making every effort to be polite to all the other people around them. I personally feel comfortable underneath this blanket! I could never spend my life wondering what every single person around me is thinking if I laugh too loud or if I forget to say "bonjour" or "au revoir" to the sales person who sold me my compact powder. I couldn't go through life like that, period. It doesn't work for me. I'm not an extremely polite person. And I like to feed people I love! I like to put food in their mouthes and I like to make a friend for life, in a single day! I like to hear people laughing too loud and shouting at each other and I like to hear people making love in apartments while I walk through the streets! This is the blanket that I feel comfortable under. And I want all my friends to be each others' friends, as well! I can see how this can be deemed as rude, inappropriate, and etc. but as I have said in the past, "...who cares about polite?", " want people to remember you as the passionate one, not the polite one." With that being said, I do believe that there are many polite ways and polite manners that we all would benefit from having. I am extremely polite when compared to some of the people I know, but I am not extremely polite when compared to the French or the Chinese. The French are to Europe what the Chinese are to the Orient. The Chinese are the French of the Orient.

I don't like to discriminate people and say that all people are the same, but these two "blankets" can give all of us a very general, broad, and easy view so that we can realize what kind of culture we fall under (generally) which is the first step to seeing yourself for who you are, what you want, and what direction you should take in life when it comes to meeting people and looking at serious relationships with people. Of course, it's always possible that a Greek person and a French person get married and be in love despite all of those differences, that a Chinese person and an Italian person understand each other and become friends for life! This is always possible. And, I need to point out that here in this article I've written, I'm discussing culture, not race. You can be full-blooded Chinese but having been born and raised in Brazil, you are a completely vibrant Brazilian in heart and in mind! Because it's not the race that influences people, really. It is the culture. And I hope this little article of mine will be something that you the reader will take to heart and benefit from in the future.

As a final note to this piece I've written, I want to leave you with the thought, that you don't always have to stick to the norms of your own culture. You have the freedom to choose, to say, "I want to be that way" or "I would rather change my ways and adapt their ways" because this lifetime isn't forever, and you weren't born into the world in a cage and under rules stating that you must under any circumstance stick to one pattern of thought and only one pattern of living and outlook on life! You don't have to be only one way just because everyone else around you is only that way. You can be you, and you is whoever you choose to be!


An Amore

An Amore
(June 15, 2010~ Roma, Italia)

The water glass breaks
It shatters
It falls to the floor
The little boy dropped the water glass
He broke it
Up here on the floors
Of the rooftop garden
I hear no screams of anger
No mad defamations
I hear no cries, no sorrowful explanations
Only cheers and gales of laughter
The little boy runs around
Again he breaks another
Glass after glass falls down
Not an angry look is cast
Not a single angry word
Glasses shatter
Voices cheer
“Amore! Amore! Mamma mia, Amore!”
Is all that I hear

I remember the water glass
I broke as a girl
And the next one
And the next one
I still feel the stinging
Of all those angry words
The broken glasses caused me
The spankings
The furious faces

But here in Roma...

All I hear is “Amore!”

Tears threaten
To overflow
My heart
To overcome me...

Oh! If only I lived in Roma!
I would be an amore!

Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

I remembered this poem which I wrote in Rome, because of an incident yesterday. See, my son's friends came over to spend the afternoon with us, and one of his friends broke one of our mugs. My son was upset, he said, "Now we're one mug short! It's not okay for people to break things that belong to their friends!" And I sat down with him, talked to him, I said "You know, in Italy, when kids break things, everybody cheers and laughs and calls them an amore! And you know why it's like that? Because a glass breaking, or a mug breaking, is a very small damage that happens in life, and in life, lot's of shit happens; if you're going to let the little things get to you, like a mug breaking, then think about how much the big things are going to get to you! And a mistake is just a mistake, but everyone is going to make many mistakes in life! A mug is just a mug, but a friendship is for life. Now what's more important to you? The mug or your friend?" And I didn't ask his friend to say sorry for breaking the mug, or anything like that. I inspected it, and said, "That's okay" and threw the mug away.

Today I thought about the incident yesterday, and remembered the piece I wrote in Rome. As a child, I always was made to feel like shit just because of spilling a glass of lemonade, or accidentally breaking something. In Rome though, I got to see what real life is like, and I understood the nature of what it really means to be alive, to live! And to love!

Everyone With Dirty Hands

Everyone With Dirty Hands

There is a never-ending moveable banquet
A table prepared for everyone
When thunder cracks open the clouds
That is the sound of it
Being pulled over the floor of the sky!
And everyone is welcome!
From every city
And every nation
Every tribe, every tongue
The banqueting table moves
And all are called to come!
The black sits beside the white
The devout sits next to the atheist
Believers in one thing
Believers of nothing
Believers of many things
And those who are not sure
The free
The slave man
The king
The servant
All are called to come
Come and sit!
We are all,
All of us are brothers and sisters!
We sit at this banqueting table prepared by His hands
The Alpha and Omega
The Beginning and the End
Calls us as one
He who does not need our belief
He who does not need the righteousness of man
He who graciously lays food upon our plates
And says Eat!
Eat! Every last one!
You are all brothers and sisters!
He who sees no stain, no flaw, no fear
He who looks not for the righteousness of man
And only those who see their own righteousness
Cannot sit at this table
It is only those who have eyes only for their righteousness
Who will not come to this table!
They have no need for He who is I Am
They have no need for He who puts food on our plates
Without washing His hands!
They have no need for He who requires nothing of man
And counts their righteousness as filthy rags!
They have no need for He who only has eyes
For the righteousness of One Man- His Son
They have no need for a gift that is finished,
For a banquet that is said and done
But all of you!
All of you with dirty hands, come!
We need not wash our hands before we sup
At the never-ending
Moveable banquet

Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

Enough Already

This is how the fears of men and women differ: When a woman finds a bright and beautiful, shiny thing worth loving, she clasps it tight and holds it to her chest in the fear of ever losing it! When a man finds a bright and beautiful, shiny thing worth loving, he puts it on a pedestal, in a safe corner of the room, to look at in the sunshine and the moonlight, to wonder upon and to admonish, in the fear that his grimy hands might in some way destroy it or make it flee away from him! And so these two fears create a colossal chasm in between, driving the two sexes in opposite directions. But this chasm can be bridged; the first step is the awareness of these fears; that they are in fact there and that is in fact how they function.

The thing about fear, is that identifying them and recognizing how they function is already winning greater than half the battle. Fears can only thrive when they're hidden, like cockroaches that only come out when it's dark and once you turn the lights on, they scatter and reveal where they've been hiding! Simply recognizing and identifying the fear, is turning the light on, and while the light is on, you can do things about those fears, you can think, you can see, you can plan, you can win. You realize that they're not so great and mighty, once you're able to name them and see what they look like.

The real thing that keeps men and women apart, is fear. Women blame men and men blame women, but the culprit is fear, women are afraid of one thing, men are afraid of a different thing; the fears of women have to do with losing while the fears of men have to do with not being good enough for something. One is loss, the other is insecurity. Men are innately more insecure than women and women are innately more needful of companionship than men. It's good for both men and women to be able to recognize and identify these fears not only within themselves, but within each other, and then men and women will see that they really do need to help each other. It's not a game, it's not a competition, the two sexes need one another.

It is like the relationship between sun and moon, rain and heat, sweet and sour! Without the one, the other can't be fulfilled to it's full potential, or wouldn't even exist! Can the sun blame the moon? Can rain blame the heat? Can sweet blame sour? No, it's a cycle. These are all compliments of one another! Enough with the immaturity! The one isn't going to succeed by playing tricks on the other! The union of man and woman is created not only through the act of sex, but this union begins in spirit, in soul! And the journey begins at the first attempt!

Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

The Soul, The Flesh: Do Not Divide Them

I keep on saying this, but I don't understand the attempt that people make to separate love and lust. Must you love one thing, and lust after another thing? I wish to love what I lust and lust what I love. And religion says there must be a division of this, a separation of heart and flesh, but I say, why? A whole being has both heart and flesh, why does religion attempt to diffuse the whole being? To make it less powerful? There is power in the union of both heart and flesh, and I will always believe, that there exists a perfect unity and harmony of love, and of lust, and of beauty. There is a unison of the three, in a single being.

Now, yes, there is a distinction between lust and love, and I never say that love and lust are the same, I only say that flesh and heart need not be separated. Day is not the same as night, yet there would be no day if there were no night and there would be no night if there were no day. I know the difference between day and night, but I do not say "We must cling to the day and eradicate the night!" If every man lusted after what he loved, there would be no crying women, and vice versa. But since man is taught to love one thing and lust another thing, many things are broken. When flesh and soul are broken apart, many things are broken as a result of this!

Which leads us to the question: Which should come first? Night? Or day? Would it make any difference if you were born at nighttime? Or at daytime? Does night precede day? Or does day precede night? Neither, because it is a cycle! Or maybe you fall in love at first sight, and at the same time you fall equally in lust with that same person! Then that would mean you are in between night and day (12 AM) which is isn't any less powerful, perhaps more powerful as this combines the meeting of both night and day! I do believe there is a great "breakage" that is happening in the thoughts of mankind, due to this belief that one must lust after one type of person, and save the love for another type of person, that one must fall in love first, and lust later, or that one must be in love with one thing and then lust after other things on the side! This all creates "breakage" in so many different areas! Broken hearts. Heartache. Now what if every person were innately aligned heart-and-flesh, strongly and powerfully? Then every human would lust what he loves and love what he lusts! It is the destroying and the pulling down and the humiliating and the "public scorn" and the "bringing down to the levels of sin" that is done to lust, that creates all this breakage! Because, you cannot destroy and bring down low one part of you, that is naturally a part of you! But you have to honor what is yours! Honor your lust, bring it up to the levels of how you see your love! Because this is a part of your flesh! The flesh that carries your soul on this earth! And your lust will in turn honor you! It will not lead you astray!

If flesh weren't meant for soul, and soul weren't meant for flesh, in this life on earth, then we wouldn't be soul inside flesh, as we are right now! If it weren't supposed to be so, then it wouldn't be so. There must be a reason why institutions immediately begin to teach us the division of soul and flesh, at a young age. A soul cannot exist on this earth living this journey, without flesh! And flesh is dead without the soul! The two are different, but the two need each other.

They say all evil comes from the working of the flesh, I beg to differ! If goodness and peace and serenity and joy are of the soul, then why are the other unseen things such as evil and worry and anxiety and hate suddenly of the flesh? All unseen things are of the soul! A hateful person is a hateful soul, not a hateful flesh! An evil person is a dark soul, not a fouled flesh! People are afraid of corrupting their souls into evil through the workings of the flesh! But can a soul be corrupted by dirty hands? Or is it a dirty soul that makes the hands do corrupted things? Because if a soul can be corrupted through unwashed hands, how weak, weak, weak is the soul of man! Christ Himself said "You attempt to purify your soul by the washing of your hands?"

So don't chastise your body because it seeks happiness and not joy, because it seeks lust and not love! Your body is what is seen, and it thrives upon what is seen; just as your soul is unseen and thrives upon what is unseen! Now here is your choice: which unseen things to feast upon, and which seen things to welcome!

Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

To Belong To

They say that life is a great learning process, and that you can go on and on in a never-ending learning experience, but I am ready to let go of the learning, I am tired of the pain and the strain and weight of  heavy burdens. I am tired of the fears, the insecurities. I am done with learning, from now on I only want to have, to be, and to belong to.

I can, because I am. Not I will because I will learn to.

Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

Today Was Very Different

This afternoon, the sky was stung with a red hue, the air wasn't transparent but it was colored! Colored in a red hue that glowed and that overcame. The clouds though, remained a dark grey. The colored air creeped in through the veranda, and I knew I needed to go down; into the garden by the pool, I stood under the reddish sky with grey clouds and it began to drizzle, yet as I stepped closer and closer to the pool, the rain ceased and gave way to me. My chest felt filled with this red hue, so filled that I feared for my life! And the water...the water in the pool did not reflect the sky, but was a deep, opaque turquoise that danced to an unheard and unfelt tune! No wind! But the water swayed! A red in the air, that wouldn't reflect upon the water! I looked into the pool, there was nothing! No tinge of red, no tinge of grey clouds, it was only opaque and turquoise and deep, and it called me to jump into it!

I stood by the water and under the red, consuming it all into me. And as I breathed it in, it faded into me, it entered my soul.

Something was very different about today. Yes, today there was something very different...

Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

This is not fiction

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