My Eyes

Another piece you can expect to find in my next book of poetry. I just wrote this one a few minutes ago...

My Eyes

I have a very remarkable relationship
With myself
I want to call it strange
But that would just sound too odd

You see
I keep on forgetting myself
And keep on colliding into all these
Other things like

My own fears and expectations
I’m always left breathless
My heart never stops pounding
Everything is always new!

My own serenity and castles
I’m always left in a tangible Olympian
Existence of peace
A peace that dilates my soul!

When my soul dilates
My heart starts pounding
I never remember myself for too long

Until I run into myself
Or until someone comes along
And reminds me

And wouldn’t it be wonderful if
A person like that could
Stay forever
Then I would never forget myself

Seeing my soul’s reflection
In his eyes every day
Would remind me to stop
Flying in the winds!

But can I even help myself
If I am blown about in the winds?
For I know not if I have any attributes
Of flesh and blood

Of earth and clay

I think that
I eat off the wind
My heart beats to the drums of fire
My skin swims to the rhythm of water

My eyes are made of mercury

Copyright © 2013 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.


The following is something I wrote last year, which I will be incorporating into my next book of poetry:


Maybe I just need to accept my fate
There are only a very few like us
Perchance we will never find
One another
Perhaps I will never find
My other half
The other half of my soul
The other being just like me
I know he is there
He comes to me in my dreams at night
And teaches me many things
He shows me my lives of old
And guides me through the
Coming sorrows of my future
He is there
Yes he is
But I cannot touch him
Save for in my dreams
I cannot hold him
Save for my spiritual journeys
I am so tired
Of the wait
I am worn and bruised
I am ruined and broken
Must I wait still
What if it is only a dream
And he will never come to me?
If he is there
How could he stay afar for so long?
Have mercy on me, Almighty Providence
Take me under your wing Divine Intervention
Have mercy on Your wandering one
I have wandered too long
And I am pained too much
Let not my enemies scoff at me
Let not my enemies triumph over me
May he walk out from my dreams
And into this realm
May he step out of my memories
And stand in front of my eyes
For I am weary and vexed
Are there no others like me out there?
Is there only one of us left?
If there are more, and if you hear me
Come to me now
Save me, deliver me
Take me into you, as your own

Copyright © 2013 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

The Gifts of Darkness

“I don't understand why people care so much about showing that they are good; because I am rather comfortable with having badness, quite okay with being inexplicable. They tire themselves so. The light is beautiful; but light can't hide treasures like the darkness can.”

~ C. JoyBell C.

The above words are something I wrote last year, and today, I would like to further discuss it. What exactly, are treasures from the dark side? Well, it can be a great number of things; like finding inner strength within yourself beyond your imagination upon falling into the darkest hours of your life! That's the easiest thing that comes to mind. Another thing would be to grow leaps and bounds as a person upon embracing the reality that not all things are peachy and meaningful. It feels good to believe that all things are peachy and meaningful, and in a way, they truly are! For example, all the mistakes, errors, losses, and wrong roads taken, in one's life, could very well be the reason why you have found the most beautiful person in your life! Or perhaps not a "reason" but more like the avenues by which you are made to look into the direction of that person, in the first place. And I am not even talking about glorifying hardships, here! I've also said in the past, that if you set hardships on a throne in your life, and believe that it will be the source and wellspring of all good things, then it's repeatedly going to happen to you, just because it is the thing you have glorified and see as a wellspring! So this is not at all about glorifying hardships. In fact, it is quite the opposite! 

More specifically why I am making this post today, is to say, that sometimes we show people just how bitter their circumstances are, not to destroy them or to make them feel unaccepted, but rather to show them exactly how big the wound is! How deep the gash is! It is a different kind of a gift! And I think that it is a gift from darkness. Yes, it is wonderful to comfort, be kind, to say that everything is going to be okay and to tell someone that there is a rainbow after the rain, that there is hope at the end of the rainbow, that there is always a silver lining! That is one kind of a gift. But the other kind is to say to the person "Look! Look at your wound! It is deep, it is large, it is festering, it is infected, and it's not going to get any better, until you see that! Until you realize that! So that he can bind it up, he can medicate himself, he can remove the infection and watch the wound heal! Because large wounds aren't cured by band-aides. Gashes in the flesh aren't cured by saying that everything is tinted in a rose-colored hue. The only way a person can be treated of an infection, is if he first knows that it's there, sees it for what it really is! And this is the braver gift to give, really! It is the gift of a brave love! Because with this kind of gift, you are not making yourself look any good! You are not making yourself look kind and wonderful and sweet and caring! It is the gift that doesn't make the giver look good. It is a selfless gift, intended only for the benefit of the receiver. Of course it would be wonderful if the receiver recognizes this and acknowledges this, but the giver always knowingly runs the risk of that not happening. But what does happen, more likely, is a true healing, a true freedom, in the end! 

They say that the worst disease on the planet is leprosy. What is leprosy? And why do people's body parts begin to decay and simply fall off of the rest of the body? Leprosy is in fact, simply the loss of the sense of pain! When a person is unable to feel pain, he won't be able to know what's going on with his body parts, hence, he won't be able to react accordingly, and in the end, the disease of leprosy eats the person alive, decays the person's flesh while he is still breathing, and why? All because he ceased to feel pain! All because he was numbed by a disease that took away his ability to look into the direction of something that hurt on his body and to see it there! Because just as detrimental as not being able to see any good in things; is not being able to see any bad in things! Some people like to see only the best in others; I like to see only the truth in others. 

Sometimes, you have to make people feel what they need to feel, not allowing them to sugar-coat their mistakes and their bruises. You can't let them get leprosy. I'm bad with the purpose of producing that which is selfless and good! I'm like Catwoman.

Copyright © 2013 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved. 


Today I have been reflecting on the nature of the swan, and on the beauty of that nature. The swan takes up a big part of my own symbolism as incorporated into my "The Three Flights" emblem which can be seen as the trademark profile photo at my writer page, and also on the cover of my book, The Suns Snow And The Sands Move. While I will save the explanation and definition of the emblem itself for a later date, I just want to talk about the swan, for now.

Why contemplate on the nature of the swan? Why be mesmerized by its beauty? There is something exceedingly true and genuine about this beautiful creation of God! Without making a motion, without making a noise, the swan can glide serenely and gracefully over the surface of the water and cause all heads to turn! Without calling for attention, all attention is given to it. Without causing a commotion, people will rise and walk or even run to watch it glide by– and the swan doesn't even notice! In fact, the beautiful creature will be so engrossed in the way of the movements of the water and of its own body, that it seems untouchable and in its own realm of beauty, altogether! 

I have never forgotten a single swan that I have ever seen glide by, in front of me! Even a mere glimpse is enough to retain it's image in my memory. Without calling for it, without manipulations and deceit, the swan manages to embed itself in my memory and take up a very special place in my heart, just because I was lucky enough to catch a glimpse of it! There is absolutely no struggle to be unforgotten!

The swan as my personal emblem, represents everything that I believe I stand for when it comes to true beauty and true grace. Now if only I can find those that share in my nature; for I have long since been surrounded by too many ducks.

(Photo via Pinterest)

Until it rains again!

Update: Today it has rained (March 12, 2013), which means this discount gift is now officially over! Hope you all were able to avail of it! Thank you, and until next time! 

For no other reason other than that today I am happy, I am offering ALL of my books on 50% discount! Let's call this the "Sunny Days Are Happy Days" discount gift! Because the minute it rains, this discount gift is over! That means if it rains later on, that's the end of the discount gift and if it rains 5 weeks from now, you get to enjoy this 50% off for five more weeks! :D So, pray for sunlight, everyone! And do enjoy! 

50% Discount Code: J8KD7FVA

This discount may be redeemed at any/all of these four stores (depending on which of my books you would like to purchase):

All Things Dance Like Dragonflies
The Sun Is Snowing
Saint Paul Trois Châteaux: 1948
The Suns Snow And The Sands Move

While the sunlight lasts...

The Courage To Breathe

“Whatever anyone does or says, I must be emerald and keep my colour.”
(Marcus Aurelius; Meditations)

As many of you may already know by now, the above quote by Marcus Aurelius has been my motto in life. But today I raise a question for all of us to think about! What happens when one day someone comes exploding into your life and already knows that you're an emerald? You have spent your life keeping your color; despite the fears, betrayals, disappointments and hurts, then what if one day somebody falls down from the assembly of the gods and simply knows you through and through? Your color, your worth... the fact that you are emerald! The question is: how do you stop "keeping" color, when all you have left to do is simply to "be" emerald? No more fear. How does one begin to cope with the sudden loss of fear? Certainly it is the very best thing that can happen to an individual on earth, but I am startled by the realization that letting go of the battle against life and simply being alive, might actually require courage, in itself! It takes courage not only to fight; it also takes courage to believe that good things can happen. It takes courage to simply have grace, to breathe. There comes a time when you no longer need to protect yourself, and that is just as honourable, and perhaps even more honourable, than all the battles you stood up to fight!


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