I Put My Trust In Magic

         I am a woman of science. I study astronomy as well as the sciences of geography, people, animals, food... where there is something to learn— there you can find me! And what I have learned is that science is inferior to magic. What we think we know today in science— ten years from now we prove as wrong! We only think we know these things, the facts of these things, but the truth is that, all that we really know are the names we have ourselves given to things! We observe things as they already are. These things, these natural laws that have already been around, since the time before we were born! Before the founding father of the atom named an atom as an "atom", the atom was already there. Nobody made the atom happen. The atom does not belong to any scientist! It just so happens that someone named it an atom! And so the scientist goes through life, naming things, in order to tell a story. And what story is this? It is the story of why and how things are the way they are. It is just like religion. Science and religion strive to do the same thing; the difference is that the two speak an entirely different language! One of numbers, algorithms, equations; the other of stories, legends, ballads and song! Both desire to explain nature, the laws of the universe and the governing traits that dictate why your life is useful! 
          Magic is the same yesterday, as it is today. The magic of thousands and thousands of years ago, is not less potent today, is not disproved today! It is the same yesterday, today and forever. I put my trust in magic.

A Very Short Discourse on Celibacy in Magic

         Celibacy during magical initiation is a must. All initiates of the ancient schools of magic needed to be celibate until mastery. Today I would like to discuss the reason behind that because it is as relevant now as it was a thousand years ago.
         Our sexual fluids are our most concentrated form of flesh and soul and spirit and mind— all together. Sharing this fluid with someone, gives to them the potency of all that (your spirit, mind, soul, flesh). But you are not just giving yourself; you are also receiving from the other! It is a lot more than what you think it is. You are taking into yourself the attributes of the other person, as well as dividing your own attributes to give to them. Now stop to think if the fabric of the substance of that other person is something you want to add to the fabric of you! Because like it or not, that's what happens.
         During initiation, which usually lasts a year or longer, the aspiration is to develop the magic to the highest degree, meaning you will need all of your most potent fluids.
         In promiscuity, it is not so much that you are being "immoral" but it is more that you are removing from yourself, deducting from your destiny. Sure, if every person you sleep with is of magical lineage, then that would be good, but with the percentage of people on Earth who have that, your chances are close to nothing! Promiscuity is a quick way to water down your own attributes;  it is like you're burning your own self at the stake!

Who is the magician?
"They are without fears and without desires, dominated by no falsehood, sharing no error, loving without illusion, suffering without impatience, reposing in the quietude of eternal thought... a Magus cannot be ignorant, for magic implies superiority, mastership, majority, and majority signifies emancipation by knowledge. The Magus welcomes pleasure, accepts wealth, deserves honour, but is never the slave of one of them; he knows how to be poor, to abstain, and to suffer; he endures oblivion willingly because he is lord of his own happiness, and expects or fears nothing from the caprice of fortune. He can love without being beloved; he can create imperishable treasures, and exalt himself above the level of honours or the prizes of the lottery. He possesses that which he seeks, namely, profound peace. He regrets nothing which must end, but remembers with satisfaction that he has met with good in all. His hope is a certitude, for he knows that good is eternal and evil transitory. He enjoys solitude, but does not fly the society of man; he is a child with children, joyous with the young, staid with the old, patient with the foolish, happy with the wise. He smiles with all who smile, and mourns with all who weep; applauding strength, he is yet indulgent to weakness; offending no one, he has himself no need to pardon, for he never thinks himself offended; he pities those who misconceive him, and seeks an opportunity to serve them; by the force of kindness only does he avenge himself on the ungrateful..."-The Threshold of Magical Science

A Very Short Discourse on Magic

         Magic is the ancient flame, the true religion, the original spirituality, the original fire. If you search for spirituality from hundreds of years ago— what you will find is magic. You won't find manuscripts about religion like today; but you will find manuscripts of magic. Even if we look at the story of the birth of Christ, we will see, that it was the Magi who brought the Christ precious gifts, it was they who predicted his birth by reading the skies (astrology) and it was they who found him. Who are the Magi? The Magi are of the original lineage of what we now call The Rosicrucians. What and who are these people? These people are the keepers of magical, mystical secrets. The laws of nature. And I say "nature" instead of "supernature" because magic is actually the supernatural knowledge of what is simply natural. To see what is natural with eyes uncovered, to see what is natural with supernatural eyes— is to see magic!
        I suppose they began burning magical people at the stake in order to eliminate the magical bloodlines. Some would argue that these bloodlines come straight from Angelic bloodlines (from the time when Angels mated with women.) And sometimes I stop to ask myself Why? But then in a split second I realize that the answer to "why" is so simple! A magical blood could not be controlled! Could not be overpowered! Whoever was to come into power would need to subdue such people.        
         Long before there was religion; there was magic. And wherever we look into the past, back into the roots of this ancient flame, we will find black propaganda against it. Black propaganda trying to make us believe that the magical were baby killers and murderers, who sacrificed innocent lives on altars! This is so far from the truth. This is only what we hear in the modern day, we hear this from propaganda; but the truth is far detached from what we are told. It is religion which has murdered all throughout history, and these are known facts; not just stories created by the analyses done by modern people of long ancient languages and forms of art!
         I can imagine that if religion had not come in to subdue the magical; today we would probably look like those places we now like to call "Middle Earth!" And I find that thought to be more appealing than the skyscrapers and the wars that we have today.

An Easter Egg Story

Easter was my favourite Holiday as a child. I got to dress up really pretty, with white lace gloves, ribbons in my hair and on my socks and around my dress! I always just felt so very pretty come Easter time and the candies and the multi-coloured, beautiful eggs were simply divine! There was always a sublimity, I felt, about Easter that couldn't be found around other Holidays.

My most profound Easter memory is one that runs deep and that you would probably appreciate me sharing with you. You'll probably say you've learned something at the end of this article. I learn something and remind myself about what I have learned, every time that I recall this single Easter memory. It is definitely worth the share.

It was an Easter egg hunt at church. All of us Sunday School kids needed to find the hidden Easter eggs, tucked away in secret by our Sunday School teacher. Now listen closely here... while I was excited to begin the egg hunt, I was also mortified. I wanted to be just happy; but I couldn't be. And then everything around me seemed to turn to slow mo. Slow motion. The laughter of my classmates, the excitement all around— there was a sick feeling in my stomach. I somehow knew that I would find all the eggs immediately, leaving nothing at all for any of my classmates. That knowledge alone, for some reason, made me feel almost guilty! Like I was about to do something very wrong because I knew that they would all end up feeling very disappointed if all the eggs happened to go to me!

"On your mark! Get set! Go!" And everyone ran screaming around the church grounds! I just began to walk slowly, picking up the eggs around, it was way too easy for me and I really didn't even have to look for them, at all! So I walked very slowly, while everyone else ran around frantically! Then it happened! I saw the most beautiful Easter egg, EVER! It was pink and covered in pink glitters! It was right there in front of me! Right there, just right there in front of me! It was too easy! And I stood there and I wanted it so bad! But I wouldn't reach out for it! As I was just about to reach out for it— BAM! A screaming, giggling girl came hurdling by, snatched it up and it was gone forever! Then everything turned to slow mo all over again. Now I felt sick for cheating my own self out of what could have been mine!

I really, really wanted that Easter egg but it's a loss that I will never be able to take back. Unless I somehow go back in time and change what happened, but, that's not the point. The point is what I keep on learning and reminding myself of, from that day. You see, in life, I keep dumbing myself down, wearing myself out, pulling on myself downwards in order to accommodate those around me. And I know that sounds arrogant; but the whole point is for me to just accept that. Because it needs to end. I need to stop doing that. I need to stop letting other people take away my Easter eggs. I need to stop cheating my own self out of the things that I really want to have.

I feel like Elijah Mikaelson in Vampire Diaries, in that scene where he tells his brother Klaus, "If insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result each time, then I, in my 1000 years of trying to redeem you, have been insane! But from now on, I am putting an end to this. From now on, I take what is mine. I take what I want." (Something like that) Because really, all I have been doing is the same thing over and over again, expecting something different every time. Expecting people to be kinder next time, expecting them to understand next time, expecting them to not be so selfish, to not be such liars! But of course, I always get the same result from people. At the end of the day— the person I should be redeeming from this world is myself. I wasn't born for the benefit of everyone around me.

It was the same story in sports as I was growing up. I could always run faster and jump farther. I thought I was weird. So I always stopped on the tracks and waited for the others to catch their breath so we could begin running again, altogether this time. I wouldn't jump as far as I could so that my reach wouldn't be too obvious. I wouldn't read in public (but that was because of a different reason; that was because I was just really shy). But the bottom line is: I conformed to everyone around me. I mindfully and purposefully conformed. And that is my biggest mistake in life. Because when you are given a gift, you are supposed to be thankful for it and use it. You're not supposed to hide it under the bed and think that it's weird.

I hope that this Easter story of mine will hit somewhere close to home, in your mind and heart, serve as a source of inspiration and courage for you, and maybe (just maybe) I can stop any other child out there, who is just like how I was, from making the same mistake that I did that Easter Sunday (and again and again after that.) Don't make my mistake. Be what you are.

Diverge the Waters

I was talking to a friend last night and the topic led me to discuss with him why I appreciate the movie Divergent so much.

I appreciate many movies; but Divergent was different. I was amongst the first millions of people in the world to watch it on its first day in cinemas and I came out of that movie house a more assured, confident person! Let me tell you about that.

Random photo of tattoo design from Divergent movie.
Tattoo is not my own. :-)
I think that we grow up and deal with ourselves and with others whilst not realizing that people are created with different traits and that those characteristics are there for a definite purpose. We don't realize this about ourselves and so we often look to others and try to emulate them, or we look at others and we judge them for being so and so way, for thinking such and such things or for having this and that behaviour. We fail to realize that people belong to different "orders." In the movie Divergent, this was made very clear. Everyone belongs somewhere and there is an equal amount of "belongingness" because people are internally crafted for a purpose; for different purposes! But then the storyline delves even deeper into this and shows that ultimately, we have a choice that we need to make. We determine where we belong by making that choice and it's nothing that we need to explain to others. It just means that we have heard our inner calling.

Then, of course, there are the Divergents. The people who exhibit more signs of "belongingness" than just one. All— or nearly all— traits are developed and apparent. Different times and circumstances call unto different names within us. A Divergent can be incredibly selfless but then again can protect oneself and one's loved ones to the death. He or she can also exhibit immense kindness and understanding while at other times producing impressive amounts of intelligence in scientific fields and the like. A Divergent can be ruthless and fearless, while searching and expounding upon the truth of matters. It all depends upon what the situation calls unto, what inner name is being called upon!

I was always so different, that I felt the constant need to explain these differences, or just to explain myself in general, to other people. And people admittedly never understood me, anyway! So I created this circular motion of going round and round but still never feeling understood. Now, though, I see all the things that I do for humanity, as well as for myself and my loved ones, the actions I take and the subjects that I learn— I can see and accept now, that everything inside me is inside me for a reason and I need not try to conform to anything. I'm an adult now, I am no longer in the "formative years" of development wherein I need to be steered into a certain direction. It's time that I accept all the facets of me that are equally strong, equally developed and equally powerful. There's no need to be just one way at all times.

But even being just one way at all times should be a significant realization for many! This means that you are who you are for a purpose! There is a purpose! And you can always choose to follow the inner voice calling, choose another path; but the end goal is to fulfill your destiny and that is what needs to be remembered!

The storyline of the movie seems to be conveying that a Divergent's life will never be easy because the Divergent is constantly breaking through the system simply by existing. What does this mean? I think it can be quite obvious in daily life and daily relationships. When you do not react in expected ways to expected stimuli (forms of manipulation)— that is breaking through the system! When you see beyond and through what has been set up for you to see— that is a breakthrough! And things cannot possibly be easy when you are bending the water and refusing to be bent by it! Not easy— but this is your destiny! And it is not a form of rebellion; it is simply because this is how you are wired. You cannot possibly conform; or maybe you have tried to but you just can't swallow it for too long. "So I am really expected to react in this way to that action? But why should I when I don't feel the need to? When this other way is better for me?" Of course, this has nothing to do with a lack of manners and social awareness. Respect for other people, their property and mannerly conduct in general is a basic ingredient for goodwill and peace.

I know it might sound childish to say that a movie has made me understand and accept myself fully; but it is the truth. And who knows? Perhaps the author of the novels had a deeper plot, all along! What do you think?



I was watching
A timelapse video of the sky
Above a flowing river
The colors changed
Like crazy
The grass blew
In the winds
Of night and day
The sun set
And rose
Over and over again
Like crazy
The river swam
Over the rocks
And around them
Small waves
Like mermaids
The colors and the winds
So crazy, so timelapse
I closed my eyes
Because I’m a timelapse too
Just like that video
Sensations run
Over my skin, my spirit
I’m breathless
You could find an
Ocean within me
And a battalion on a field
You’ll find every sky
That exists
Running, catching up
Flowers stumbling over
Winds from everywhere
It’s all inside me
I closed my eyes to feel it
Everything moving
Always moving
I think I can feel
My own blood in my veins
It’s moving
Look into my eyes
You’ll see the sun rise
And set
A hundred times in a minute

Copyright © 2014 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.



She was like a bird
With perfect wingspan
That had
A small, golden anchor 
Tied to its leg
Lightly, it would fly
But in gold 
It was always anchored

Copyright © 2014 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.



She was most proud 
Of herself
Of the way how
She was always ready
To take everything
With a grain of salt

And she was also proud
About her
Incredible lightness
Of being

Copyright © 2014 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.
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