Lovely people are always telling me how much I inspire them. Then I tell them that it's unintentional. It's funny, really it is. It's almost like I am an accidental leader and inspirer of sorts. Other times, lovely people, when they are not happy with something I have said or the way that I have acted, they tell me that I am no longer inspiring them, they are disappointed, sometimes they start calling me names, spewing hateful words as a result of my not inspiring them through something I said or did. Now, nothing has "happened", so don't get your gossip underwear all in a bunch; I am just thinking here (because I'm always thinking and this just happens to be what I am thinking right now) about how fickle some people in the world are. Fickle and uninformed. First of all, it was never my mission to "inspire" people, it was also never my mission to write about things to make people think I'm a good person. No such things of the sort! If anything, goodness haunts me! Goodness is my inner ghost that haunts me and when people say that I am no longer inspiring them, blah blah blah, because they chanced upon something I said they didn't like, it is actually like the remnants of the ghost that haunts me, who have come to prick me! They go on and on about how my words changed their lives and have had them in tears many times, very transformative, but now, since I've said this one thing or since I'm angry today, they are "so disappointed" in me... and I'm thinking, This is the fault of that goodness ghost! Making people think I actually write in order to inspire them or to make them happy and now they think they can tell me that they're disappointed in me as if I need to care about that! 
         It's a strange relationship I have with what I do, when it comes to this area. I acknowledge what an honour it is to be able to inspire anybody, at all, and the messages that I receive from people are beyond appreciated. They are truly treasured in my heart and mind. I treasure being able to be a very good and influential part of people's lives, everywhere! But then it is quite accidental (on my end, not on the other end because on the other end nothing is accidental— I'm talking about the end of destiny and life and such things.) And this is how I know I am a good person. I know this because goodness haunts me rather than me pursuing it. I can imagine how tiresome it would be to chase goodness around, trying to be a good person every day— Oh my god! I couldn't do that! So thank GOD that goodness has been assigned to me, because if not, well I certainly wouldn't try hard to be it! Hahhha! How bothersome of a task to pursue each day! If I wanted people to think that I am good, then I would go to church!
         Like I already said, don't start the gossip because nothing has "happened" (I've noticed that some individuals like to gossip about things they think are happening with C. JoyBell C., which are actually not happening at all.) I am just being humoured by these thoughts and have found myself laughing at my own self as a result! And you know me! Whenever I am laughing at myself, I believe it is a laugh worth sharing! :-) Love you guys!

C. Bells

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