Liberty, SexAndTheCity, And Amishness

      All my life, I have been surrounded by the types of people who will still ask me things like, "What does your mother say to you when you wear sexy outfits?" And, no, I'm not talking about when I was 13; I'm talking about NOW, as a full grown woman, who has a twenty-year-old son. The people who ask such things are also full grown adults with their own kids.


     I know that definitely not all humans are like this, because, I am more exposed to those of the world who live in this actual world and not in some miniature version of smalltown reality set in the 1930s. But I'm saying that, for some God-dammed reason, I can't seem to shake these particular types of people from my life. They're my closest contacts because of the kind of background my parents are from. Conservative and afraid of the planet and everything in it.

     It's difficult for me to answer these types of questions without scoffing at the person asking, or reply in a condescending way, but I try my best to answer such ridiculous queries with respect and composure.
     "I'm a grown woman, a mum, and literally pay my own bills. Why would my mother have any say in any of the choices I make for my clothing, body, life, or otherwise?"
     I have a twenty-year-old son and his female peers won't even let their parents tell them where they can go, what they can wear, who they can date, etc., so it really does take a lot of patience from me to engage in such discussions with people who really are living under a rock. I'm sorry, but we do not occupy the same world.
     I don't even consider my wardrobe to be "sexy". Like, I literally don't even feel as though I need to be "brave" to wear anything that I own. I also don't consider my personal life to be that interesting at all. Definitely nothing like Sex and the City. God, I do wish my life was something more like Sex and the City! I really do! I really am just, for some reason, closely linked to really Amish-types of people.
I've spent a lot of time wondering why. Why do the people I know seem to stay the same way as the years go by, and basically just grow into the footsteps their parents set for them? How is it that I had to come from this type of stock? Why? Why? Why? So many people in this world are NOT like this, why can't I seem to escape the ones who use Facebook as a virtue-signaling pulpit? It gets very, very tiring. I cut my facebook friendlist down by more than 75% and still, I can't get away from the Bible verses and the bygone-era virtue signals.
     It scares me. It really does. Not to mention they are all ageing pretty badly and look 50 years older than me. It's a mindspace that I never want to ever touch. Let alone belong to. I am a woman of the world and I see absolutely nothing wrong with that! The only explanation I have, is that, perhaps it's this way so that I can always see how far away from the cages I really am! So I can see, sense, and taste the distance of my flight, to appreciate my freedom.
     I really do appreciate my freedom, my liberties, my world, to the full extent. And maybe some people just die the way they were born, but while this disturbs me, I also acknowledge that they have their own paths and I have mine. Just as I am free to be free, they are also free to be just like that. 

900 Coca Cola Cans


When I meet a person, I don't see them as this one individual standing before me at this one point in time; rather, I see the person as a 3- year- old and a 30- year- old and in the future maybe a 100- year- old. I don't forget that he is an accumulation of elementary school memories in the cafeteria; favourite hiding places for hide-and-go-seek;  first heartbreaks and first loves; letters written by candlight; dreams; and about 900 coca cola cans.

I don't believe that time is linear. We are inhabiting one day at a time, or one moment at a time, simply because our consciousness is not developed enough to fully inhabit multiples. We're actually inside of it all, all at once, all the time. We're just too underdeveloped to exist in anything other than a present moment. 

When I meet a person, I feel a collection of all the events that ever took place in their lives from toddlerhood to the present moment. All the places, all the words, all the kisses and laughs, the chocolate milks on cold mornings. A person is the gathering point of all the energy, timekeeping and minutes, that ever were and ever will be, in their lives. 

And that's what you're talking to. You're speaking to favourite hiding places and recollections of best friends; and traumas, fears and vulnerabilities and monsters under a bunk bed. When you meet a person, you touch a world. 
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